And so, faced with this grand absence and odd feeling, I'm left with the question of where does this blog go from here?
I considered shutting this thing down completely. My food blog is the primary place for my writing these days, aside from my journal. The music blog is also getting severely neglected. And to be honest, it's a bit terrifying [if not sometimes embarrassing] to be as open here as I am at times. But even with these considerations, I don't want to close this space.
Somewhat ironically, I started working on this post in the middle of a long weekend, one in which I made a road trip back to Los Angeles, the place where I did most of my writing on this blog. And so my plan is to return to this blog with a combination post of me rambling about my life while also providing one of the many weekend updates I used to provide from my weekend jaunts to the City. On to my ramblings...
I'm tired. I spend too much time and energy thinking about something I can't really do much about. Working 10+ hour days reviewing documents is tiring in its own way, but the amount of energy that goes into the thinking I'm doing on top of it leads me to come home and collapse some days...with epic naps ensuing. I'm sure this sounds stupid, but things weighing on the mind can be exhausting because I tend to devote a lot of energy to the thinking and feelings associated with it.
I think part of the problem is that I've lacked a chance to just decompress and work through some of the thoughts and emotions. When I lived in LA I used to just completely shut down and stay home when I needed it. I'd veg out, eat, sleep, do whatever I really needed to get right...living in SF with so many friends and such great roommates it's a lot easier to keep busy and occupy my time. This is a total blessing and I am in no way complaining about it. I feel so lucky to have the friends I do and I'm so happy I'm living with and near so many of them. But I do realize that sometimes we all need a little time to ourselves. The ability to spend time on my own and be very comfortable with it was probably the greatest lesson I learned during my second stint in Los Angeles. What I'm learning now is that not only do I need to be capable of spending time in that way, it's something I need to do at times. Ironically, a road trip back down to LA provided me with the time and space I really needed to decompress a bit and hopefully start to get past some of what weighed my mind down recently.
Speaking of Los Angeles and irony, I continue to find something appealing about the place. I feel the city is like some of the women who have been a part of my life in one way or another: it's something I'm drawn to and really enjoy but at the end of the day isn't right for me. I'm sure that sounds bad but it's really just a simple case of two things not fitting together properly and is not a shot at Los Angeles or any woman who has played any role in my life. It's more a shot at me and my inability to really figure myself and my life out.
anyway, the traditional list of weekend highlights...
- cutting out of work early
- the King of Thai prediction
- Rockit Room and Hastings friends
- Ed & Ed
- picking songs on the jukebox
- free Jose Cuervo shots & shot glasses
- the reserved sign
- King of Thai late nite leftovers
- going back to Rockit to close Ed's tab
- I Love You, Man
- sleeping in
- catching some of the highlights of what I was missing at work on Saturday
- USA soccer
- perfect weather in SF
- sitting outside du soleil
- eating tomato on my sandwich for the first time
- a beer with friends at du soleil
- the funny parking wait near AT&T park
- going to a Giants game with friends
- going to a Giants game for free
- going to a Giants game and upgrading our seats for free
- going to a baseball game and eating a hot dog
- red velvet cupcakes with no frosting
- eating a bacon wrapped hot dog after eating a hot dog at the Giants game
- the drive to LA
- McDonald's road trip food
- Audrey & Ken's wedding [congrats!]
- getting a full nite's sleep
- the triumphant return to La Taquiza and the new 10 taco record
- meeting up with old friends on the way out of town
- company via phone during the road trip back to the 'Sco
- some more King of Thai
- time to decompress on the road
