why?

u ever wonder why the world is the way it is? i'm guessing we all wonder about it at some point, in one way or another. tonite i started wondering why it is that, as they say, bad things happen to good people...and also why good things happen to seemingly bad people.

maybe the more important question is: what are u going to do about it (with "it" being the way the world is). i mean, in some ways u can't do anything about the why, even if u understand it. but, we're taught to believe that we can do things about our current circumstances, whatever they may be. changing present circumstances can be difficult and exhausting tho...and it again begs the question of why some are able to do it with what seems to be more ease than others.

it makes me wonder about whether external forces play some role in everything or whether we really can just change things. for example, my present job situation. i need to find new work (and i'm ready to do so and really want to do so). but sometimes i wonder why something doesn't just fall into my lap. i've definitely heard of such things happening...and i've also heard of people lining things up with much more ease than i ever have in the past. this is just an example and not something i mean to belabor or whine about (i know that currently i need to put more effort into job hunting as i have been out of the country and taking things easier as a personal break for myself).

i think this topic can easily blur into one about religious beliefs...it's probably in part related to such beliefs. i'm comfortable with my religious beliefs and feel i've reached said comfort by first being brought up in a certain religion, then learning at least a little about different religious, and finally reaching a point of questioning things and establishing my own set of values and beliefs on religion in general...but after babbling about this for a paragraph, it's not really the direction i want to go in here.

...as usual, i don't really know where i want to go with this and am just jotting down whatever comes to mind. i'm coming to realize this space really is just the ramblings of an odd individual who sometimes gets inspired to write but then grows distracted. maybe that has something to do with the why of things in life and the world...haha.

the more and more i think about it, i feel that while the why does matter and is of importance and consequence, it's not determinative of outcomes and one needs to focus on what to do about one's circumstances. this is very difficult for me personally for a couple of reasons. first, i'm just curious and always feel like if i know why then i'll be better able to deal with whatever it is...it provides a sense of closure at times and comfort at others. the second reason is that oftentimes it's difficult for me to really motivate myself into action mode. usually i'm scared...scared because i don't really know what i'm doing or what step to take...scared of failure...scared to even admit that...and on top of all of that, part of me just hopes that if my intentions are there and they're good, then something good will just happen.

so, when good things happen to people, is it just something that happens or is it something they make happen? that's a more accurate question in terms of my nite's wonderings. my personal guess? it's a combination of the two...things do just happen and people also do certain things to either make things happen or put themselves in situations where things can happen.

day of turkey & thanks

It's been a long time since I've done any blogging. I've got the easy excuse of the fact that I was traveling for a month, but even then I could have found the time and means to write a little something. And even before the trip it was possible to spend more time on this blog. But honestly, I felt uninspired for much of the time I wasn't writing. While away, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about writing and things to write about...hopefully I'll get to those topics shortly. But, today is the day of the great turkey, more commonly known as Thanksgiving.

So, what am I thankful for? Before I get to that, I'm going to admit that I had a slight panic attack of sorts yesterday as I became overwhelmed with figuring out aspects of my near future and my current life situation of not working. During said period of being overwhelmed I of course spent some time thinking and wondering about things and realized that, no matter the situation there's plenty of things to appreciate in life, especially with Thanksgiving and the holiday season going on.

And now, onto some of the many things I"m thankful for this year: my friends and family, the opportunity to spend a month traveling...and to be able to spend most of the time with my mom and a good amount with my brother (as well as a friend in London who was one of the more gracious hosts I've ever had). I'm thankful for the opportunity to meet a good number of new people during my trip...it's always nice to make new friends. I'm thankful that there are so many people back here who were happy to see me return and are such good friends in general. As a way of generally summing up what i'm thankful for, I'll say the following: I'm thankful for all that I have and the opportunity to see what tomorrow brings. I'm also thankful for the things I lack in life that I'm looking for, because it's important to have things to strive for in life.

I hope everyone has had or is having a fantastic, delicious and safe Thanksgiving. more writing to come soon...