that was a pretty redonkulous hiatus.

so, i clearly strayed far, far away from the goal of blogging daily for a month. i had a good run but totally lost it as of late...in part it came from being busy...but that is more of an excuse than an actual justification for the shortcomings on the writing front.

i think it really goes to just a lack of focus and a fractured train of thought of late. at times interesting topics flowed thru my mind but either i was not in a place where i could write or i simply just couldn't focus myself on the task. while not much is new, even on the intellectual or mental front, some milestones have occurred in recent weeks...including hitting the one year mark at work. my thoughts on that are a bit all over the place, much as i find my thoughts more generally lately.

in chatting with a friend today we cracked jokes ever so briefly about the ladies we will marry. at one point i noted how i really can't say i've met the woman i will marry. not that one can ever really make the claim in either direction, one never knows until it happens i guess. and i'm in no rush to get married. but the point beneath the joke, and one i pointed out, was that i am in a way lacking any crushes at this time in my life.

when i look back at the various stages of "Lou" i can deifnitely identify the major crushes of each stage or era...from elementary school to middle school and high school...on to college and then law school...even the "adult" world has had its crushes for me. yet now i find myself a bit restless without a crush. the funny part is i never pursued any crush seriously...nothing ever came of them. but they provided something to daydream about...

does growing up entail less daydreaming? i sure hope not. but i definitely do ponder how i and my close friends will change as adulthood takes hold. my thoughts tend to center on whether i will ever really grow up enough, as i tend to think of myself as an overgrown child...or at least a foolish individual of mental youth.

my friend said i need to get back to the City for the crushes to materialize...and i do find myself running on fumes at times. at the least i could use a vacation and a get away from the daily routines of life...and i'm sure it would provide an opportunity to fall in love with a gurl i know next to nothing about and will not pursue but just daydream about in my own time. i am reminded of part of one of the quotes on my brother's facebook profile about fallin in love:

Sometimes it was all but ephemeral, maybe only
an afternoon, but not less real for that.
They stay in my mind these beautiful people,
or anyway people beautiful to me, of which
there are so many. You, and you, and you,
whom I had the fortune to meet, or maybe
missed.

i think i have a penchant for such types of falling in love...completely unreal in a way...but just as exciting and fun and in its own way meaningful no less. the funny part about it is i don't really think i would know how to actually be serious about dating these days...the past year or so of exploring my individuality has been highly rewarding and eye-opening in many ways.

anywho...this was tonite's rambling of thoughts that pretty much came as i attempted to write, feeling a need to do so even if i didn't really start out with much in mind.

also...

aha!

lying on my couch i finally remembered what i thought to write about earlier this evening. sweet.

as i made my way through the line and it came my time to checkout at target the cashier asked me how i was doing. my response was a polite "good." this immediately prompted two thoughts in my mind, one familiar and the other prompting a bit of a funny realization.

my first thought was that our response to being asked how we are doing, especially by strangers or those we are not very close to is invariably something along the lines of good (or fine). it always makes me wonder why that is our default response, whether it is true or not. many times in my life my response has been "good" when it really was not how i felt. it just seemed like the only socially acceptable response at the time. i understand it...but it's just funny to me.

i also realized that tonite i really meant it when i said it. i mean, it's not a surprise but the past few months have involved at least getting down about one aspect of my life and at least for now it's something i'm coming to accept and be okay with...understanding it's not a permanent thing and it will simply come with ups and downs. hopefully it won't be the problem that it is for much longer...but who knows. hopefully i'll have a mini cooper soon to make everything in life awesome. haha.

anywho...back to vegging out on the couch.

bummer.

i totally forgot what i wanted to write about and sadly it was something i was looking forward to writing about and something that came to me all of a sudden as i stroll target this evening. it was nice because i felt i had nothing to write about or say and feeling like i had a topic of interest was nice. but now i forgot and that's a bummer.

bummer.

A new car!

I did not buy a new car, tho I did test drive a couple of Mini Coopers today...and they were a lot of fun to drive and I want one, badly. That just seemed like a fun title, something reminiscent of days spent watching the Price is Right as a child at daycare.

I find myself thinking back to earlier times in life more than usual these days...with no good reason. It's just a matter of simple reminders. For example, the intense heat of Los Angeles of late (which was only tempered ever so briefly..tho it remained quite humid...but the nites finally are coming with a certain cooling) has prompted me to take cool showers which take me back to warm summer days back home in Ann Arbor...after running around in the humidity and heat there was nothing one could do to cool off and find relief aside from cool off in the shower.

Other things take me back as well, funny things that escape me right now. It's funny to me to think about how we all grow, evolve, and change...for I'm sure many of us feel we continue on as the same individual we've always been (tho many of us all know and believe we've change). In talking with a good friend the other day she told me about her early college years, well before I knew her. In some ways she sounded so different than the person I know, which I pointed out and she felt she wasn't so different.

I feel I'm still the same dorky, foolish kid I was years ago in high school. I wonder if those who knew me than and continue to know me now would agree. We all grow and undergo certain amounts of change...yet we also remain the same and all have defining characteristics that make us the individuals we are...I'm sure you could ask anyone's family and/or lifelong friends and they would point out the ways in which person X was the same as a child as they are now.

It's likely impossible to know everything about a person...obviously we all have our secrets but beyond that we all are individuals of various layers and sides and we display different aspects of ourselves to different people, in part because the various circumstances in which we interact with others prompt different reactions. It's interesting and in some ways terrifying...but also very rewarding to get to know people better and also to trust in people when you don't know all about them.

Anywho...I want a Mini Cooper.

and cool

The excessive heat of recent weak here in Los Angeles finally seems to be breaking...it's still been in the 80s the past few days but it feels much cooler than it had been...in part due to the strange greyness that has occupied the skies during mornings and also because there's a simple difference between 97 degrees and 84 degrees...especially when the latter invovles a nice breeze.

This break from the heat feels so much more than necessary...it's welcome and makes passing out at nite much easier. Oddly it feels like something more should go along with it...some sense of change in life...yet life remains the same. The only other break of sorts is that I might not get to the City until early August...which would be a break of a month or more from travels for me...and maybe the two go together...even if they feel somewhat contradictory to me. Either way, I could use a break from the heat and some extra time on weekends (as well as a little more energy during the week from not having such epic weekends) for a little while just to organize the house and a few things in life...hopefully leading to more change and positivity.

I will definitely miss the City and all the good people up there during my temporary absence (it's funny how like a month constitutes that for me at this point) but hopefully some down time will lead to more permanency. And, August will be a good month...it always is...celebration plans are coming in the next few weeks.

For now, I'll enjoy the cool down...even if my apartment refuses to cool down due to poor air circulation.

Aural isolation

Since early on in high school, one could often find me roaming the halls of school with headphones on, music filling my ears and taking up all of the aural space I had at the time. The trend continued into college, thru law school, and persists even now as I roam around on my own in various places. I think most everyone knows music is one of my biggest passions in life, even if it's not in the sense of creating it.

Yet sometimes it's nice to not listen to music while roaming about. I was struck by such a mood Sunday evening as I made my way to the airport in San Francisco after a marvelous weekend getting to see a great number of friends and meeting some interesting new people along the way. Earlier in the day I made my way to meet up with my brother and one of his fabulous friends for brunch...music carrying me along the way. I again isolated myself with my mp3 player as I walked from his apartment by City Hall downtown to meet up with a good friend from law school. I was so isolated that I had no clue a gurl in the adidas store asked multiple times if I needed any help with anything. It made for a funny moment once I realized what was going on...typical of the types of exchanges I often share with strangers.

As I made my way back to my place of residence when I visit the City I of course rocked the tunes along the way. But while I was fully prepared to continue the trend as I walked out of my friend's apartment to return home, I felt a desire to not isolate myself. In the end, the use of headphones really does exactly that...it isolates one from the rest of the aural landscape (unless the volume isn't turned up very high at all).

Sometimes it is an interesting experience to simply listens to the sounds of the environment you find yourself in...it adds to the sense of being present in a place, a sign of just how important our sense our to how we experience the world. Not crucial, not even necessary...but definitely capable of adding a layer to the complexity of our world and experience of it (not to say the world is a simpler place without sound).

celebrations...

One needn't always do exactly the same thing...even if it is the usual. Variety is the spice of life...and truth be told it is still possible to be epic without being intense. Epicness isn't about how intense you are, how strong you roll, or anything along those lines...tho they may often share a correlation. Being epic is about just doing what u do to the full extent of doing u.

While this past weekend's trip to the City may not have involved going out as hard as others...it was still an epic weekend...like every weekend north is...the simple fact is, doing something chilled our or hitting the town and "painting it red" as they say...it's all epic in it's own right as the friends and i just do what we do and do it like we do. To me it doesn't need much explanation...we're just an epic group of individuals.

highlights...

• celebrations: a friend's bday and the 4th
• catching an earlier flight into the City
• the silent cab ride [I keep having really interesting cab ride experiences in the City]
  
• 80's nite at Cat Club
• the cramped ride home
• taking in a 4th of July matinee
• new music [Kaskade's Strobelite Seduction]
  
• the Beirut like atmosphere atop the Steiner Street Studios as people set off fireworks
• the gremlin can and Busty Models and just some classic, old skool, quality laughs
• brunches with family and friend
• my first mani-pedi
• fashion show!
• an over-priced hoodie
• playing with Nick's camera [definitely need to get me one]
  
• time at du Soleil with great conversation and the chance to meet new people
• tator-tots
• not eating at Custom Burger
• an early entrance to Mr. Smith's
• a foolish six-step
• yes, i know about poppin' & lockin'
• swift vengeance on sam
• deefs wanting to beat me up for my failure to realize a gurl was trying to get me to dance with her [i've got "inverse game"]
• peanut-butter chocolate chip pancakes - the most physically difficult thing to eat, ever
• strolling across town
• the chance to meet up with friends and i haven't spent as much time with on my many trips
• dancing movies
• mupltiple short naps between each BART stop on the way to the airport
  

change clothes

After hurrying to my car yesterday afternoon, I performed a quick wardrobe change...not wanting to head to the airport and fly up to the City in my work apparel [don't get me wrong, I look fly in such clothing...I make a suit look good]. I drove down through the parking structure located about 2 blocks from office and as I pulled out on to 8th street I could help but notice how different I felt. It wasn't just a matter of being outside the office but much more a matter of having a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers on.

So comfortable in such "casual" apparel, I found myself renewed with energy and enthusiasm...it was as if I ditched my normal person clothing and put on my superhero outfit and could conquer all in it. It's one of the things that prompts questions in me about how well suited (no pun intended...ha!) I am to this professional world I chose to enter...or more stumble into in part out of concern for security in life.

Yet in pondering such topics, I continue to feel there is a place for me in this world I've become apart of and it is simply a matter of finding my own path to that idyllic place. Either way, I love rocking a t-shirt and jeans...and at the end of the day the feeling of comfort associated with such an outfit is all the better after wearing something more business oriented 5 days of the week.

2 side notes:

1. the above is a pic of my favorite t-shirt...BAPE (expensive as it may be) is awesome. but it was no the t-shirt i changed into...
   
2. no post yesterday as the internet i used to borrow while crashing at my friend's place here in the City is now password protected and thus inaccesible. doh. but, the attempt to post daily continues.
   

let the rhythm move u...

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I stole this from my brother's blog after seeing it this evening at work. It definitely brought joy to my day and I hope it does the same for u too. Dancing is a passion of mine, be it in the club or on the streets of downtown Ann Arbor back in the day or just a private dance party at home late at nite. It's fun, it's the best form of being active, and it just brings happiness to my life. Much like music, dancing can bring people together...as this video demonstrates.

The thing about dancing is that it really doesn't matter if u are any good at it, as long as u rock out in your own way and with a passion and love for dancing. Everyone has his or her own unique style and that's part of what makes dancing so awesome. My friends have come up with a bit of a game where, when we're out gettin' our dance on, we each do impersonations of each others' dances. We all definitely have signature moves and it's fun to see someone else's take on u, as well as attempt to emulate the awesomeness [or awkwardness] of another.

Dance on Matthew Harding, tho I have no idea who u are, I admire your dance moves and inspirational travels.

also, as it relates to music in the sense that u can't dance without tunes, this post will appear on the music blog too.

excellent

Some talk about getting a workout high. Some don't believe in it, some say it is simply endorphins. Personally, I find getting to the gym, as difficult as it may be at times, is always worth the time down there and most every trip leads to feeling awesome after...even if it's a temporary feeling.

It's funny how sometimes working thru things at the gym is harder than others...it just goes to show how our everyday lives really have an effect on each of us, sometimes limiting what we're capable of and other times giving an extra boost to reach new levels.

Either way, as long as u put forth the effort and push yourself to the extent that u can on any given day, at any given activity...u can walk away with a sense of accomplishment and i'm sure just putting in such an effort, no matter the outcome, will lead to that sense of awesomeness that a workout high or whatever u want to call it provides.

the little things in each day

many things in our lives play bigger roles than we realize. i feel we all tend to overlook a multitude of factors that influence our lives, not due to any ignorance or anything of that nature but more just because it's hard to appreciate all the things that play a role in our worlds. we all overlook things, we all take things for granted. but i think we all try to be appreciative as well.

it is often easy to question the role we each play as individuals in this world. i think one of my insecurities is doing this a little too much. sometimes i'm tempted to just disappear and play as small a role in this world as possible...doing nothing more than is required and simply existing in a reactionary state, as opposed to taking any initiative. it's really just out of curiosity, a bewilderment with what the world might look like and a somewhat selfish desire to see what my impact on it really is...

yet it is often the little things that can make any day. simply catching the elevator, avoiding the usual heavy amounts of traffic on the way to work, simple words from a stranger, a small reminder of your friendship with anyone u are close to, the sun shining...so many things that can alter an outlook, a perspective, an attitude. it makes one pause to think about those things and also attempt to appreciate them [in the sense of understanding them as well as being thankful for them]...there is a lot to notice about the world we live in...