i just deleted an attempt at a post. in so doing, i noticed a handful of other draft posts on this blog that i never completed or couldn't ever get myself to complete/post. it's funny that only in rather introspective times do i feel like i can write anything of much merit on this blog. my guess is that such a feeling is erroneous but whenever i try to post other thoughts or observations i feel a funny sense of triviality to any contribution i might make to the world.
anyway, i find myself thinking a bit more these days. thinking about a variety of things and wondering what it really takes to figure out life. i think i need this time of just getting by and wandering a bit...but i am also realizing i need to begin to take some more proactive steps towards some concreteness (i guess that's the word to use). funny thing about this world is how it grows more and more specialized and focused...thus requiring more and more precise experience to really get to any job. it feels harder and harder to start to get to that concreteness i guess. i'm not sure what i'm rambling about right now and i'm not sure where my head is really at...which i think is kinda what bothers me.
the things i find myself thinking about are actually rather confusing to me. in talking about one of these topics with a close friend today, she pointed out that life is just confusing sometimes. it was how i opened the conversation and i found amusement in the fact that it was kinda her concluding point too. but she was right...and sometimes all u can do is try to make your way thru the confusion until u can figure things out or things sort themselves out.
i guess the overarching question is whether or not it's a bad thing or dangerous to just simply enjoy life and it's experiences without necessarily building towards something grander (or, on some level, really sorting out all the confusion). i'm simply enjoying the life i'm leading these days but i can't say it's building towards some future of a prolific or extended career in anything; i can't say i'm saving or working towards buying a house or starting a family or anything along those lines...things generations past would likely be far ahead of me on at this time in life. but is that how it works now? should it be? was it really how it worked then and did it have to be that way?
too many questions, too few answers. too much thinking and too much thinking in overly grand terms.
it's time to push tonite's load of laundry on to my chair to be folded tomorrow, balance out the day with some music, and pass out. u may have won this round tuesday...but tomorrow is wednesday.
