On one's own.

I often spend much time alone with myself. In part it stems from the decisions made over time, placing me in certain situations in which it is all to easy to immerse myself in solitude. To be completely open and honest about it, the most solitary periods in life came following break ups; I went from spending the great majority of my time with a person to spending most of that time on my own.

With time and experience I first grew comfortable with the time on my own and eventually grew to enjoy having time to myself, finding it a necessary and important part of life. Nowadays I spend a fair amount of time on my own, just relaxing at home or running errands or just getting out for silly little adventures. It's something I enjoy and am very comfortable with; after spending lots of free time being busy with friends and plans sometimes I look forward to the simplicity of just being home for a weekend with nothing to do.

Yet at the same time I crave social interaction in a way. It's not a sense of loneliness but rather that I simply enjoy and cherish the time I spend with the people in my life, especially those closest friends of mine. Though I am comfortable with just myself as company, the people in my life mean much to me. My family and close friendships are simply as important as anything in this world, my world. The people in my life play an important role, one which I am aware of, thoroughly enjoy, and am ever thankful for because I know that the solitary person I become at times would not be much of anything were it not for these people.

It's funny to think that it took (and continues to take) the people in my life to be comfortable spending time on my own, away from anyone. Yet I realize that without those people I would not be the person I am, I would not have the sense of self I do possess [and continue to learn about]. At times I wonder about my place in the lives of others, wondering how it compares to the role everyone plays in my life. Being far from perfect the wonders can sometimes reach the point of questions...a personal mild insecurity at times. Somehow during these times I find myself reminded of why it is I consider these people so important and close and why these relationships are so strong and endure. So, no matter what sense of comfort I feel spending time with myself, I know it's only because I know even during those times I'm not really alone and because of that it's not a big deal to just wander around in a little world of my own.

Awake.

Unsure why, I find myself restless tonite. Maybe it's due to the staying up 'til the wee hours of the morning the last two nites, doing nothing more than just vegetating [playing the new Hots Shots Golf game and/or watching whatever happens to be on TV].

Most nites I struggle to go to sleep. Oddly, it's not that I lie in bed tossing and turning [only rare occasions do i find that to be the case]. Instead I just find it hard to get into bed, to call it a nite, to put a close on the day. It's one of the small, everyday things I realize about "working life" that I'm not a huge fan of: having to get to bed at reasonable hours. I enjoy going to sleep when I feel like it's time to do so, as opposed to going to sleep because I need to for the next day [especially for work].

As the months of working continue to pass I realize other small things in a similar fashion. The first to come to mind is how on weekends and when I'm not at work I'm so comfortable in the clothes I wear: sneakers and jeans...a t-shirt, shorts...flip-flops.

I'm amused by all of this [and in a way saddened at the same time] because they are random, silly, small things. Yet sometimes it's the small things that matter most. Not that any part of me feels I need a different job because I can't roll up to the office in shorts and a polo [in a way I wonder why that is true...but the established business world is what it is and I can respect it]. But I guess the point of experiences is to learn and figure out what one does and does not like...so in a way it's like I'm just tracking my progress by these silly observations late at nite as I yet again skip out on sleep I should probably get.

I'll leave with this: ever notice how u can wake up really early on the weekend [in part because u're used to rising early during the week] and get up without being tired and struggling to climb out of bed like u do during the week? it's amazing how choosing to get up early can be such a different experience than having to get up early.

Good night.

celebration

a week after having the homies in town I ventured up to the City for the first time in a solid 5 weeks or so. it was nice getting some extended time at home it was good to get out of LA and back to the old stomping grounds, especially when it meant getting to celebrate a good friend's birthday. highlights...

• "Homecoming" being the first song to play on random on my mp3 when i turned it on upon landing in the Yay
• being annoyed with 28 Weeks Later, but still enjoying it
• playing with dogs
• the crazy lady in the theatre at the metreon
• surprising the birthday boy
  
• an amazing ribeye steak [and Los' silly looking piece of meat...that looked really good once cooked]
• amazing fries
• getting to just chill with the old skool homies
• Henry raging
• a raging house party
• a late brunch catching up with the more new school friends

all in all another great trip up to the City. a couple people pointed out or asked about me moving back...

Playing the Host.

two great friends came down from the City friday nite for the weekend. they usually play host to me on my trips to the north [their couch likely bears an imprint of my sprawled out body from spending so many nites sleeping on it], so it was great to get to provide a place to stay for them this time. it was the second time they came for a visit, but first since i moved into my more spacious abode and instead of snuggling up on a giant aerobed together they each had a space to slee [why Los chose the floor the first nite still doesn't make sense to me...hehe.

getting in around 11:30 pm after a slightly delayed departure we started the weekend pretty much immediately and like all the weekends i've spent up north with them it was a great time full of goofy adventures, bogus arguments, and lots of laughs. the traditional list of highlights includes...

• Pasadena [except for the fact that spot closed down at like 1:28 a.m.]
  
• Los expanding his ethnic horizons [haha]
• the dood on the stripper pole...and his shirt...and his shoes...and his twin friend...and...
  
• a late nite burrito
• Foxy's!
• an excursion to the beach
• "Malibu"
• the unsuccessful pit stop
• a very brief trip to Barney's
• Lala's for eats
• Santa Monica and dancing the nite away
• the chick fight
  
• the soupy burrito argument
• Los' impersonation of Lyrics Born
  
• the skunk at the burrito joint
• a deja vu burrito
  
• 'Scoe's
• pinkberry
• seeing an actor and not being able to remember his name
  
• just rollin' entourage style with a couple of the best guys i kno [even if, as i pointed out, our entourage is really more like the three muskateers]

a great time with great friends...but i'm ready to pass out [after already napping all evening long]. i definitely need to blog more tho...