find a penny...

pick it up...
if it's heads...u'll have good luck*

I found a penny today and I picked it up. It was heads...so how was my luck?

To be honest, this is/was not the best day of my life. Nor has it been the worst. It was just a weird day and one that probably could have gone better. Nothing in particular went awry (at least not that I know of yet...) but there were small things that could have gone better or turned out differently. It just felt like the things I could have been lucky about didn't turn out so...

As I drove home (forgetting to check out the taco place I wanted to try that I hear straight amazing things about), I thought about my perspective. I thought about how nothing went horribly wrong, how in some ways I was lucky to have work to do, that nothing blew up in my face, and so on. I thought about all the little things we don't normally appreciate and how in many ways I am lucky. Yet I still felt pretty blah...

The thing about perspective is that it really can make all the difference in the world. When you look things from different perspectives, it can lead to new feelings, new thoughts, different opinions, different and/or better understandings, etc. Sometimes it's all you need to feel better and be put in a completely different state of mind and mood. But other times it's just not enough...because feelings are powerful. (I think it's really a matter of it taking time to reach a different perspective and for it to effect you in the way it can) Also, it's not necessarily the case that one perspective is better than another...but sometimes you just see things from different perspectives at different times.

well...i gotta do a little more work and then it's back to GTA IV for a bit before sleeping...


* some say: all day long u'll have good luck

traveling south

my usual weekend trips as many know are towards the north but this weekend i made my way south to the greater san diego area. my brother had performances with the the san diego symphony over the weekend. the usual highlights from a weekend away spending time with some of my favorite people...

• spending an afternoon with two really good friends and having some great old school laughs
• grabbing a few drinks
• a quick change and making it on time
• seeing my brother perform
• spending some time with my brother
• bacon wrapped filet mignon
• a good brunch
• seeing a good teacher form my high school
• a nice Easter dinner with my brother with some strolling around after
• a nice drive home with my thoughts and my music

it's time to rest up and recharge for another week. the next weekend is already planned and looking like another good time: this time heading north. can't wait...

exhaustion

after once again spending the weekend in the Bay, i'm lying in bed ready to pass out as i pump the tunes into my brain with my big @$$ headphones. i wanted to get to sleep a little earlier and almost passed out around 10:00 pm yet i felt a need to do a little rambling and writing. to start, the traditional list of highlights...

• amazong weather all weekend long
  
• ordering way too much really good indian food
• Djimon Hounsou
• morning buns [that sounds more perverse than it actually is...]
• bbq'ing up at Stinson beach
• the beach
• pink mountains
• all the Johnny Drama moments [Los hydrating, Los cooking it up, turning a nice maple syrupy brown]
• "I'm taking a survey."
• the rooftop at Medjool
• late nite Cybelle's
• not waking up and sneaking out b4 the homies wake up
• brunch
• Pier 23
• seeing a good law school buddy for the first time in a while
• running into an old college friend in BART
  
• finding out that many of the things i've felt in my time are more universal than i believed at the time

it was an absolutely great weekend. i don't have one thing to actually complain about to be honest. the only problem with such great weekends, with spending such a great time enjoying the amazing weather and the company of great people is how hard it makes monday.

beyond the difficulty of a monday after a fantastic weekend i felt something more over the weekend, a feeling that persisted thru the joys and laughs that really made the weekend. the past couple days also came with a certain melancholy; a feeling of being overwhelmed. one way to look at it is to think of it as being overpowered by how great a time the weekend was...to see that really it's just hard to come down from that kind of high...to realize that what makes the time so great and so special is it's rarity. i feel all of that is true and has been a part of the feeling.

yet i know there is more to it. it's not really a feeling of being depressed but more of a feeling that goes along with knowing that right now, back in the "real" world [i.e., not the City with the homies] i'm not quite comfortable in certain respects, important respects. i honestly know what the heart of the problem is but it's best to not go into detail at this time and in this forum.

but on the positive note, all things are a learning experience and a chance to grow. while the present contains a certain amount of discomfort, it's good to learn to how continue on in such a state. also, it's definitely a temporary set of circumstances, one that will change when the time is right and the circumstances present themselves. until that time comes, there's a lot of fun to be had in the "real" world. and at the end of the day, it was a great weekend...and it's always hard for the new week to start.

On one's own.

I often spend much time alone with myself. In part it stems from the decisions made over time, placing me in certain situations in which it is all to easy to immerse myself in solitude. To be completely open and honest about it, the most solitary periods in life came following break ups; I went from spending the great majority of my time with a person to spending most of that time on my own.

With time and experience I first grew comfortable with the time on my own and eventually grew to enjoy having time to myself, finding it a necessary and important part of life. Nowadays I spend a fair amount of time on my own, just relaxing at home or running errands or just getting out for silly little adventures. It's something I enjoy and am very comfortable with; after spending lots of free time being busy with friends and plans sometimes I look forward to the simplicity of just being home for a weekend with nothing to do.

Yet at the same time I crave social interaction in a way. It's not a sense of loneliness but rather that I simply enjoy and cherish the time I spend with the people in my life, especially those closest friends of mine. Though I am comfortable with just myself as company, the people in my life mean much to me. My family and close friendships are simply as important as anything in this world, my world. The people in my life play an important role, one which I am aware of, thoroughly enjoy, and am ever thankful for because I know that the solitary person I become at times would not be much of anything were it not for these people.

It's funny to think that it took (and continues to take) the people in my life to be comfortable spending time on my own, away from anyone. Yet I realize that without those people I would not be the person I am, I would not have the sense of self I do possess [and continue to learn about]. At times I wonder about my place in the lives of others, wondering how it compares to the role everyone plays in my life. Being far from perfect the wonders can sometimes reach the point of questions...a personal mild insecurity at times. Somehow during these times I find myself reminded of why it is I consider these people so important and close and why these relationships are so strong and endure. So, no matter what sense of comfort I feel spending time with myself, I know it's only because I know even during those times I'm not really alone and because of that it's not a big deal to just wander around in a little world of my own.

Awake.

Unsure why, I find myself restless tonite. Maybe it's due to the staying up 'til the wee hours of the morning the last two nites, doing nothing more than just vegetating [playing the new Hots Shots Golf game and/or watching whatever happens to be on TV].

Most nites I struggle to go to sleep. Oddly, it's not that I lie in bed tossing and turning [only rare occasions do i find that to be the case]. Instead I just find it hard to get into bed, to call it a nite, to put a close on the day. It's one of the small, everyday things I realize about "working life" that I'm not a huge fan of: having to get to bed at reasonable hours. I enjoy going to sleep when I feel like it's time to do so, as opposed to going to sleep because I need to for the next day [especially for work].

As the months of working continue to pass I realize other small things in a similar fashion. The first to come to mind is how on weekends and when I'm not at work I'm so comfortable in the clothes I wear: sneakers and jeans...a t-shirt, shorts...flip-flops.

I'm amused by all of this [and in a way saddened at the same time] because they are random, silly, small things. Yet sometimes it's the small things that matter most. Not that any part of me feels I need a different job because I can't roll up to the office in shorts and a polo [in a way I wonder why that is true...but the established business world is what it is and I can respect it]. But I guess the point of experiences is to learn and figure out what one does and does not like...so in a way it's like I'm just tracking my progress by these silly observations late at nite as I yet again skip out on sleep I should probably get.

I'll leave with this: ever notice how u can wake up really early on the weekend [in part because u're used to rising early during the week] and get up without being tired and struggling to climb out of bed like u do during the week? it's amazing how choosing to get up early can be such a different experience than having to get up early.

Good night.

celebration

a week after having the homies in town I ventured up to the City for the first time in a solid 5 weeks or so. it was nice getting some extended time at home it was good to get out of LA and back to the old stomping grounds, especially when it meant getting to celebrate a good friend's birthday. highlights...

• "Homecoming" being the first song to play on random on my mp3 when i turned it on upon landing in the Yay
• being annoyed with 28 Weeks Later, but still enjoying it
• playing with dogs
• the crazy lady in the theatre at the metreon
• surprising the birthday boy
  
• an amazing ribeye steak [and Los' silly looking piece of meat...that looked really good once cooked]
• amazing fries
• getting to just chill with the old skool homies
• Henry raging
• a raging house party
• a late brunch catching up with the more new school friends

all in all another great trip up to the City. a couple people pointed out or asked about me moving back...

Playing the Host.

two great friends came down from the City friday nite for the weekend. they usually play host to me on my trips to the north [their couch likely bears an imprint of my sprawled out body from spending so many nites sleeping on it], so it was great to get to provide a place to stay for them this time. it was the second time they came for a visit, but first since i moved into my more spacious abode and instead of snuggling up on a giant aerobed together they each had a space to slee [why Los chose the floor the first nite still doesn't make sense to me...hehe.

getting in around 11:30 pm after a slightly delayed departure we started the weekend pretty much immediately and like all the weekends i've spent up north with them it was a great time full of goofy adventures, bogus arguments, and lots of laughs. the traditional list of highlights includes...

• Pasadena [except for the fact that spot closed down at like 1:28 a.m.]
  
• Los expanding his ethnic horizons [haha]
• the dood on the stripper pole...and his shirt...and his shoes...and his twin friend...and...
  
• a late nite burrito
• Foxy's!
• an excursion to the beach
• "Malibu"
• the unsuccessful pit stop
• a very brief trip to Barney's
• Lala's for eats
• Santa Monica and dancing the nite away
• the chick fight
  
• the soupy burrito argument
• Los' impersonation of Lyrics Born
  
• the skunk at the burrito joint
• a deja vu burrito
  
• 'Scoe's
• pinkberry
• seeing an actor and not being able to remember his name
  
• just rollin' entourage style with a couple of the best guys i kno [even if, as i pointed out, our entourage is really more like the three muskateers]

a great time with great friends...but i'm ready to pass out [after already napping all evening long]. i definitely need to blog more tho...