dancefest '08

after a month away the Michigan vs. Ohio State and three birthdays provided good reason to return to the City for a weekend of foolish, dancing fun...and it lived up to and exceeded all expectations. It was a weekend that definitely involved a lot of new experiences...but was comfortable as it was still familiar...highlights...

• timely bart rides, a plethora of cabs...and just all the different methods of transport just working well together
• trying something new...and it not working out but it totally working out
• a couple of pretty stellar djs
• owning the dance floor [part 1]
  
• girls throwing down on the dance floor
• beat, ethnic Palin
• Wayne Wonder
  
• Peter: "And you would like it." Los: "And I'd watch"
• Gough to Turk to Steiner...why?
• rising early for football [even if the result wasn't so great]
• a good idea gone bad[another weird cab ride]
  
• gyming up
• napping up [big time]
• birthday dinner with friends
• owning the dance floor [part 2]
• "Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama!!!" followed by "Whatever You Like"
• the speediest cab
• Los losing his voice...and the angre therefrom
  
• fried chicken, gaterade, and cheez-its
• Los: "I'm at a low point - eating Cheez-Its with a bag on my wrist, stumbling all over the place. I'm like David Hasselhoff eating that cheeseburger"
  
• "Hey buddy" at like 8:30 a.m. [sorry for not waking for a talk Los]
• Cheez-Its...the breakfast of champions
  
• brunching up...La Boulange style
• strolling downtown
• taking in an afternoon movie
• getting in milo and driving home from the airport

Another solid weekend with great friends. Happy Birfday to the 3 birfday kids!!! Woohoo. See u in 2 weeks City.

now that makes me happy...

Seriously, as short and simple as this video is, it brings great joy to my life. I cannot take credit for its discovery, I came upon it via a friend's facebook status message. Every time I watch it, that goofy little clip makes me happy.

Happiness is a funny thing. Most everyone of us strives for it, hopes for it, searches for it, and finds it. We all feel a certain sense of entitlement to it [altho that realization has nothing to do with my thoughts right now]. What's funny about happiness to me is that, to be honest, I've often been afraid to be happy. I catch myself sometimes...feeling happy and content and truly satisfied with things...and then I begin to be afraid...afraid of losing it and things falling apart. What's funnier is when I catch myself catching myself...realizing the sense of fear and in a way, ever so brief and momentary panic of a sort.

The odd part about it is that I think I'm a pretty happy person...easily defining myself as happy-go-lucky. It's only when I find myself happy with certain things, things I'm usually discontent with, that I begin to worry about the unraveling. Lately I find myself connecting with Los Angeles and my work more...finding a certain comfort and joy in further developing the roots in the place I am often ready to move away from to the places that feel ever more like home. But I've been establishing more a balance between where I am and the places of dreams...and for the most part it's a good thing.

Oddly, I'm still deeply connected to the place I look to get back to, as tonite's barage of late nite text messages indicates. Good hearing for all the peeps...makes me of course wish I were there enjoying the silliness of it all. I look forward to next weekend up in the City with the clowns that I'm lucky to be able to call my good friends. Good nite for now.

a diatribe on our world's inequities

As many in our country celebrate and find joy in the last day's events, as I see many a facebook status message rejoicing, as many [including many of my closest friends] find hope and something wonderful...I find myself frustrated, disappointed, devastated, angry, sad and in a state of negativity. No, I was not and am not a John McCain supporter, but rather I find myself caring more about the outcome of Proposition 8 in California...personally it takes most everything away from the Presidential election and Barack Obama's amazing performance.

Many things have and will be said about Prop. 8 and I could go in many different directions with this post; as I spent my day at work I thought about a multitude of eloquent things to say...failing to remember them all now unfortunately...

I remember the day after John Kerry lost to George Bush 4 years ago...I remember how gloomy it was in San Francisco on that Wednesday, how the weather and general mood of the City seemed to mimic so perfectly my feelings about the election as well as those I was close to at the time [and am still close to now]. It was pretty much the low point in my brief history of caring about politics. That day really sucked.

But this day sucks more. As the results poured in yesterday I followed along closely, both at work and at home after I voting. By the time results started to come in about Prop. 8 the Presidential race was over and done with...and even if it weren't I would have followed Prop. 8 more closely than anything else. The initial results shocked me, with Prop. 8 in the lead...but I hoped it would change, as I had seen many other races change throughout the evening. Unfortunately it didn't as the nite rapidly became a bittersweet one.

I'm about to traverse a difficult line, a touchy subject and say some things that I'm sure could be easily misunderstood. With that disclaimer, I think anyone who knows me will understand what I'm saying. The election of Barack Obama, a man who is part African-American [among other things] to the Presidency of the United States rings hollow with an unfortunate irony to it. As more than one article as pointed out, around 70% of African-Americans voted in favor of Prop. 8 yesterday. It's saddening that the group that has served as the poster-child for just how intolerable and unfair discrimination is, on one what was a day of undeniable achievement and change for that group voted in such a way as to discriminate against another group of individuals, a group that I'm sure faces as much discrimination in its most perverse forms as any other in this day and age.

There are a multitude of reasons for such a voting pattern I'm sure. I lay no blame, but rather note that those age 65 and over also voted overwhelmingly in favor of Prop. 8 [while those age 30 and under voted strongly against it]. Another interesting stat: college educated people voted against Prop. 8 whereas those without a college education voted for it. As such it is clear that much of the discrimination that exists now is due to societal and generational differences...things that I do believe will pass in time. But the simple fact exists and it is truly unfortunate. It's no reason to judge or feeling anything about any group of people...it's far too easy to stereotype and to take simple statistics for more than they are...it's another to look at those numbers and see the opportunity to make a difference, have and influence, and potentially reach out to others.

As for making a difference, I may be as mad at myself as I am anyone else on this issue, feeling I should have done more than simply vote and post facebook and g-chat status messages against Prop. 8. My brother is gay and he recently married his wonderful partner out here in California, specifically in Los Angeles [LA County sadly voted in favor of Prop. 8 50.4% to 49.6%]. Leading up to the vote yesterday I didn't realize how strongly the issue would impact me and how much it meant to me...and I'm annoyed with myself for not making more of a contribution to a cause I care deeply about. I have thought much about my brother and Jeremy these last 24+ hours...reading Nick's blog entry today saddened me to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. Neither he nor any other person in this nation of ours, in this world we live in deserve to feel discriminated against and like there is something he or she cannot do, cannot obtain. And so now I kick myself a bit...

Yet at the same time I know how hard it must be to convince anyone on the issue. It tends to be a polarizing one...some studies suggest people had their minds made up in August, well in advance of the onslaught of ads that came about. I think the way in which a difference is made is when people actually see gay couple together, see the normalcy of their relationships and the love they share for one another...the same love that everyone else shares with/for their significant others, their family members, their closest of friends.

People will try to say that "traditional" marriage needed saving. They will argue this has been a moral battle. Other will say that this was about the kids and that it's about the family. Those are all pathetic excuses that have nothing to do with anything. Bob and SueAnn marrying has not effect on my life, just like Jim and Tom marrying doesn't change anything for me or anyone else.

Marriage, the marriage that "traditionalists" say needs defending is about loving another person, about caring for another human being and finding that you want to put them before you. It's about committing to spend your life with someone. Marriage is about a fundamental connection between two individuals who want to share their lives together and who also often would like to build a family together to share in that love. When a father loves his son, when a mother loves her daughter...there's nothing wrong with it. Clearly it's not about two members of the same sex loving each other and caring about each other. Some say marriage is a sacred bond [and then say it's only between man and woman], but it's about the bond and not the two individuals who share it. It's where two become one and really the special thing about marriage is what comes about from it, not the individuals entering into it. There are plenty of straight marriages that don't work out and I'm sure many relationships between gays don't workout either. But there are plenty of gay couples out there who care as deeply about one another, who have a relationship full of love and meaning equal to that of any straight couple...there's no reason to discriminate.

I feel I could go on for so long on this issue. But I'm happy to know the good fight continues on, even if there should be no need for a fight now. I've come to realize that it's important to take the frustration, anger, sadness, and every other powerful emotion I've felt and make sure it doesn't go to waste; it's necessary to use that energy for something positive and glorious...because moping will get one nowhere. To all those whose hearts were broken by the results of yesterday [including those in Arizona and Florida, as well as Arkansas which ridiculously banned gay couples from adopting], know that there are many, many out there who love you and support you and are with you on all of this...and tho patience should not be necessary at this time and tho now was supposed to be the time for change, I and many others will not give up on ensuring equal treatment you and everyone else.

On a closing note, a couple articles about how this issue is far from resolved...

sfgate

queerty

And you can find the California Supreme Court opinion that provided us with so much hope and made it possible for many to marry here. It's a bit of a read, but maybe we could all find the time to look it over and recognize that equality is what's important.

weekends update

So during another absence in writing I've had two amazing weekends out of town...with one actually being a relaxing and desperately needed extended weekend. The usual updates are to follow with tonite coming double feature style. Some extra words to come as well...

Two weeks ago I took Thursday and Friday off from work to head home for my best friend's wedding. An event I'd been looking forward since the day I found out they'd be getting married...it definitely lived up to every expectation and even provided some funny things to think about. What really struck me was how nice it was to be home, albeit a shambled, cold, and messy version of home as my parents are in the midst of an expansion.

Trips home tend to confound simply because they provide what is an alternate sense of what life back in Ann Arbor would be like. I say this because most every trip home is for a certain, specific occasion, one that many of my nearest and dearest friends are also heading back to a2 for as well. As such we all make sure we gather to kick it and spend quality time with each other [even if a good handful of us just hung out in California the weekend before]. But in the end, few of us are actually living in Ann Arbor...and so living there must be a different experience. These glimpses of an alternate reality or of an Ann Arbor that could be are truly tempting enough to at the very least give one pause about his Western existence and stay on the left coast.

Combine the great company with the absolute beauty of Ann Arbor during fall...when the leaves change to the most amazing, vibrant, and autumn-like colors imaginable [on top of the desire to be away from work], it makes for a place that is hard not to miss and yearn for desperately. It was enough to convince me of the need to return home for Turkey Day...and I'm really looking forward to seeing the improvements on the house which are already amazing.

**********

As for the reason for the trip home, the wedding was amazing. It was great to actually get to spend so much time with my best friend, something I have done since summers during college when we were both back home, living with the 'rents. It's nice that as much as we grow and change in ways as individuals...we're still the same and still able to just go about being our stupid selves as if we never missed a beat. It's what defines lifelong friends and is all the difference in the world.

The bride, another close friend of mine, was radiant all weekend long and a blast to be around as she is at all times. Chris and Alexa are truly two of my favorite people in the world and it's easy to see just how right they are for one another and personally it's amazing to really see, knowing both of them well, how happy they are together and how happy they make each other.

The ceremony was great, the reception was a blast...and I did my best to not embarrass myself [or Chris] when I was prompted to speak at the reception after being told such niceties were not necessary. Getting to be a part of their day and also getting to see all of our close and great friends and family there too was really special. Definitely not an event that will be forgotten.

Highlights from the wedding weekend...

• the Chris Taylor bachelor party experience
• hearing Nelly, just like the old golfing days [i'm still kinda in shock about this one]
  
• Dora the Explorer
• almost seriously injuring Chris whilst pushing him around the parking lot at high speed in a shopping cart
• getting kicked out of the coin shop
• getting scolded [i was not scolded as i was still not listening]
• friday nite dinner like when we were kids
• Cafe Felix, part 1
• Groomsmen unite!
• the wedding itself
• hearing Nick song
• Bill throwing the ring into the Bible
• providing Michigan updates
• impromptu speaking
• hearing Alexa sing
• the Greenhills fotos
• Cafe Felix, part 2
• trying to do some dancing
• The Fleetwood - outside at 2 am in 35 degree weather...but it was tasty
• the continuation of the "a man doesn't cut his burger in half" argument
• sleeping on an air mattress in my now twice the size it used to be room
• the expanding home
• texts to and from the LA visitors
• getting to see and catch up with so many old friends and teachers
• getting to meet some new people
  
• the amazing fall colors
• simply being home

*********

As for this past weekend, another couple of days in the City as usual for me. But this weekend was a little special...it was milo's first road trip [and he handled it fantastically] and there was a Greenhills alumni reunion Saturday nite which was a ton of fun. It's amazing how well connected so many of us Greenhills stay over the years...we meet up and are able to just enjoy each others' company. It was definitely a special experience for me and I think the shared experience so many of us had, even tho we may be of slightly different ages, allows us to come together for such events and feel a sense of comfort among one another.

The weekend more generally was accidentally epic...it was not as planned but it was as big as could be in many ways. In talking with one friend who was also back home for the weekend, he sounded as tho he were ready for another tame weekend...while another friend was looking forward to some quality time out and about...in the end their roles reversed but a good time was generally had by all. You definitely cannot plan for such epicness to come about...sometimes things just align right and the ludicrous amount of fun is had...

• milo's first road trip up to the Yay
• the Marina
• the bartender - it was just unfair and stupid
• moving on to Gravity without it even being said...the pattern
• Ed getting some T.I. put on right away!
  
• street corner breakin' on some random cardboard box
• breaking the pattern
• another discussion about Stacks
• the brilliance of combining KFC and Taco Bell
• "are you an ambidextruos masterbater?"
• pictures at Comet Club
• "do you work for nbc?"
  
• Tequila!
• Ed's green volvo
• rolling to Cybelle's late nite style and the funny dood sitting outside who was into the tunes
• not hungover
• watching the Michigan game...as painful as it was
• Los' poison oak...ew
  
• halftime at Safeway [a lil fried chicken]
• Beer Pong/Beirut and backing up all the talk
• Al, Henry, Deefs, Henry's fotos, and me all in milo...barely
• sloped parking and milo fitting
• the stupid good food at the reunion
• catching up and talking with a bunch of Greenhills peeps
• giving Mr. Zellers a ride
• awesome parking spots
  
• a few drinks at the White Horse with Mr. Zellers
• Henry's work being much better than any of the other stuff at the show
• souling out for a bit
• the giant group hug
• Beer Pong/Beirut til the wee hours of the morning and Greek domination
• "retirement"
  
• trying to pick up a Smart Car on our way home...and the funny old asian dood who spoke no English but tried to help
• heading home at like 5 in the a.m.
• not hungover [again]
• a little time at du Soleil [the pecan sticky bun...mmm]
• the shame [this is a lowlight...and i apologize to all who had to put up with my antics Saturday nite...i'd been drinkin' =/]
  
• Thai House Express
• an afternoon with Los
  
• first rides in milo for: Peter, Al, Henry, Laura, and Los
• a good drive home
• quality time with quality people

Anywho...i'mr eady to throw my laptop out the window at this point as it frustrates me to no end...i should have been done with all this like an hour ago...g'nite world...ugh i don't wanna work manana.

weekend down! [it's not what it sounds like yo]

i was lucky enough to have a group of friends come down from the City to stay with me for the weekend...after a somewhat later than ideal arrival we still managed to get out Friday nite and have some good times...overall it was a great weekend and it's always nice to see and spend time with good people. per the usual, highlights:

• Happy Hour
• dinner and strolling
• the awaited arrival
• Ed's no gentleman
• taking Grover for a fast ride...and just getting to know Grover all weekend
• first-timers to Los Angeles
• the dood in shorts and sandals...well, sandals after going barefoot...at the club
• Los complaining that the DJ wouldn't play T.I., only for "Whatever You Like" to be the next song
• the cougars
• throwing down on the dance floor
• "Armenian" burritos & Beerfest
• morning jog
  
• Foxy's and pinkberry and laying out a bit
• rolling caravan style in milo & Grover
  
• the Getty and the competing songs and the funny tram ride
• cold beach
• tag-teaming traffic
• Los: "Lou, do u got any Cheez-Its like last time?"
• the Rock Band rotation
• dinnering up with some good Sangria...but NO cheese breads!!!!!! (WTF???)
• meeting up with Jeremy for a drink
• dancing it up, again
• "Whatever You Like" (again)
• Carlo showing some moves
• Los getting wild
• Atonement and Old School
• Roscoe's [with Jeremy too!] & pinkberry
• Los' Feliz shirt
• finally getting the right street for the Hollywood sign
  
• hosting and spending time with people I love
• somehow fitting 4
  
• all the laughs and jokes and good times
• the keeping of traditions...and introducing the traditions to others
  

*********

as my late nite post last nite indicated, i find myself mentally preoccupied much of the time...something lurks and quietly nags. it's there, tho its presence is not necessarily always felt. the weekend added some additional weird element to it...and after the friends departed and i realized this week brings the end of monday nite dinners with my brother in law...well, a certain sadness hit that could only be stemmed by passing out from exhaustion, with the exhaustion itself playing some role in the feeling...

as i found myself on my bed the other nite, full of thoughts and hopes and wishes...thinking about some of the things i want in life i felt a small sense of total disillusionment with myself and the silly life i lead. i have much to be thankful for...so much that it makes me almost feel guilty for ever being down in the dumps and having woes of my own...for wanting some of the things i want in life.

it's hard to explain...and i guarantee this sounds weird and like much more than it actually is in reality. it's just funny to realize that you have a lot, that there is so much good out there...but to still want something else. i guess the best thing to do is to be thankful for what you've got and let the rest take care of itself. and it always seems to do just that somehow.



* tonite's pic was taken by either Laura or Meaghan
** the current Top 5 is based on tunes rocked out to as we cruised around this weekend

ha!

a short entry tonite...as i'm sitting in my living room with my out of town guests, watching Old School...as Ed sings along...haha.

fun times tonite...yet i find myself preoccupied in many ways even as i have a great time. what's up with that?

altered perspective

I had a life-changing experience tonite.

That is a much grander claim than it sounds...mainly because of how the phrase is commonly used. Yet at the same time it's a true statement.

Another monday nite, another monday nite dinner with Jeremy...always a good time full of goofy antics and inane trivialities. We headed to Los Feliz Village to eat at a place I've longed to checkout, simply based on walking by on many a Sunday afternoon and seeing tables full of people outside in what I could only perceive as ajoyful, blissful existence [in stark contrast to the Sunday doldrums I am often afflicted with as the start of another week looms.

Knowing nothing about the place aside from appearances, for some reason I longed to check it out...maybe to find some of that joy and bliss. And that we did. The food was really great [we're yet to go astray on our monday nite quests for delisciousness...but this was towards the top of our list], the ambience and atmosphere were simply amazing: a perfect evening with a temperature around 74 degress, clear skies, and wonderful outdoor seating.

For whatever reason I found the sense of complete and utter contentment I've written about in this very space before. While that makes me sound like an often depressed sad sap, that is far from the truth. I enjoy much of life, from the simply and the mundane to the more epic times with my epic friends...to quality time with family [a big part of the last week...and something I needed and am grateful for]. Yet there are moments...extended moments...where I find myself not quite manic but just in a state that must be something nearing nirvana.

As I find myself in these time a part of me has a bit of a panic attack, thinking that I'm doomed to fall and find a phase of disillusionment. In part it stems from my theory of emotional homeostasis and the fact that no matter what the difficulty I find myself spending at least part of the down time happy and balancing the negativity out. Another part of it simply relates to a lack of faith...a faith in a grander thing, a faith that one can just float along and have everything be ok...yet the faith concern I realize is entirely normal. Faith isn't about a blind belief where one never questions or worries...rather one believes in the best and do so even with or inspite of concerns. And so I found myself believing as I drove home for the evening.

So tonite changed my life...at least for the evening and on some subtle level more permanently. Sometimes it only takes a small alteration to result in a big difference.

**********

The post script to this evening was the hostess at the restaurant. I simply fell in love with her...in part from the moment I laid eyes on her and more so from the simply and fleeting interactions we had with her as she brought us to our table and also refilled out water glasses on ocassion.

In typical fashion I fell for her on the drop of dime and for no good reason beyond some silly, hopelessly romantic, goofy, idealistic, intuitive feeling...and as with the other times this has happened it's a funny way of saying you fall in love with someone...as my days will [unfortunately] go by without her and I'll continue on whatever goofy path I'm on in life.

But still, it was refreshing...she was truly refreshing.


* foto by my brother