I often spend much time alone with myself. In part it stems from the decisions made over time, placing me in certain situations in which it is all to easy to immerse myself in solitude. To be completely open and honest about it, the most solitary periods in life came following break ups; I went from spending the great majority of my time with a person to spending most of that time on my own.
With time and experience I first grew comfortable with the time on my own and eventually grew to enjoy having time to myself, finding it a necessary and important part of life. Nowadays I spend a fair amount of time on my own, just relaxing at home or running errands or just getting out for silly little adventures. It's something I enjoy and am very comfortable with; after spending lots of free time being busy with friends and plans sometimes I look forward to the simplicity of just being home for a weekend with nothing to do.
Yet at the same time I crave social interaction in a way. It's not a sense of loneliness but rather that I simply enjoy and cherish the time I spend with the people in my life, especially those closest friends of mine. Though I am comfortable with just myself as company, the people in my life mean much to me. My family and close friendships are simply as important as anything in this world, my world. The people in my life play an important role, one which I am aware of, thoroughly enjoy, and am ever thankful for because I know that the solitary person I become at times would not be much of anything were it not for these people.
It's funny to think that it took (and continues to take) the people in my life to be comfortable spending time on my own, away from anyone. Yet I realize that without those people I would not be the person I am, I would not have the sense of self I do possess [and continue to learn about]. At times I wonder about my place in the lives of others, wondering how it compares to the role everyone plays in my life. Being far from perfect the wonders can sometimes reach the point of questions...a personal mild insecurity at times. Somehow during these times I find myself reminded of why it is I consider these people so important and close and why these relationships are so strong and endure. So, no matter what sense of comfort I feel spending time with myself, I know it's only because I know even during those times I'm not really alone and because of that it's not a big deal to just wander around in a little world of my own.
1 comment:
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