The inconsistent writing on my blog is gnawing at me in a very annoying manner [i guess anything the gnaws is annoying...and don't even get me started on the failure to write on the music blog in well over a month]...but i struggle to get myself to do anything about it. If you could hear me right now, you'd hear me making the sound i tried to spell out with tonite's title. It's a sound i find myself making all too often these days [funnily, it's a sound Jeremy thought was an indication of something seriously wrong with my health...or just me being really gassy...hahaha...if you ever read this Jeremy, I love you for the hilarious laughter you bring to my life]...and it's a sound rooted in utter disgruntlement and just a sort of frustration and feeling of defeat.
i'm coming to realize that it stems from burnout. It's time for an extended vacation [or grander life change]...but one doesn't seem imminent. Well, i simply don't have much vacation time saved up [maybe like 4 days now] and change doesn't seem to be acomin'. The lack of anything coming soon compounds the burnout...and leads to the ghhhhhhuhhhhh sound effect.
But in sitting here and writing a bit [and then deleting a bit...and then writing a bit more] it actually brings me some sense of peace to realize it's related to being burned out...as opposed to actually feeling truly defeated. It's an added sense of perspective, a dose of which will hopefully help in finding a renewed sense of energy and patience. Afterall, the burnout relates to just one aspect of life...anywho, i'm struggling to keep my eyes open and need to get up early and figure out car insurance stuff tomorrow...hopefully my new ride will be here soon.
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