knocking

It's been a confusing and somewhat topsy-turvy day to be honest. I absolutely love blogging and enjoy writing openly and honestly in this space but at times what's on my mind just doesn't seem like something appropriate to write about at all or in a straightforward manner. The feeling of a need to censor myself makes me think i should just write in my journal...an exercise overlooked for many, many months now [in part because of this space but just as much due to an unfortunate laziness and simple oddness I have when it comes to journals]. All that said, I think much of what I express here in less than honest terms is stuff those who know me already know about...and they easily understand what I'm getting at. Anywho...on to tonite's thoughts...

An opportunity of sorts presented itself today. It was one that I thought was already closed and gone but for a reason I do not know the opportunity is back. I go back and forth between feeling overly excited and trying to clam myself and prepare for the possibility that nothing will come of this opportunity. I remember this position all too well from a time in my life where I went through it over and over again for a period of about 10 months. I hope to make the best of what has presented itself and I'm thankful for it, whatever the end result. My emotions bounced around as the day progressed and I definitely found myself caught up at times.

Obviously only so much is in my control...so all I can do is my best on that area...the rest will take care of itself and sort itself out and no matter the outcome life will continue and I will adjust accordingly [I continue to firmly believe that people are much more resilient than they often realize and that our ability to get thru life's hardships is a reflection of this...we adapt to changed circumstances and find ways to continue on and find happiness under circumstances we thought would rob us of our happiness and being...but that's a tangent].

The more important realization of the day came as I pushed my cart the insisted upon consistently veering right to my car as I left Costco this evening. I thought about today's news and the handful or so of people I shared it with and their reactions. Their support, enthusiasm, well wishes, and general reactions are reminders of how lucky I am in life to know the people I do and be able to call them friends. It also makes being as far away from them as I am a bummer...but still. So that's the lesson I take from this opportunity...whatever it is exactly [I honestly don't know all the details yet]. Whether it works out or not it's already provided a renewed sense of hope and anticipation and served as a reminder of the positives...and just maybe I'll stop ghhhhhhhuhhhhhing so much...haha.


notes:
I feel like I'm losing whatever semblance of a voice as a writer I used to have...as if I'm forcing the last couple entries and over thinking the potential audience for this blog [limited as it may be...haha]. I also fear it's in part due to the type of writing work requires...ghhhhhhuhhhhhhh