It's one of the rare times in life where I'm doing for too much thinking. There's some pretentious interpretation of that statement I'm sure but I can guarantee u that there is nothing earth-shattering being discovered in my mind. Instead I'm just trapped inside of my own head, unwilling if not unable to turn my brain off and just stop. I hate when this happens and I hate that it's such a struggle for me to distract myself when I know for many others it isn't...or at least they make it seem easier.
I was talking to my best friend yesterday, discussing life's events and some of my frustrations, in particular at certain emotions I'm feeling when logically speaking I know better. He pointed out that most people are either very logical/rational or very emotional. He then noted that I'm some weird mix of the two: often temporarily ruled by emotion, logic always catches up for me and a balanced mindset is usually reached. It's frustrating to sit here and know things logically or rationally but feel something else on an emotional level and it kinda makes me feel like a giant idiot. Why not just let the logic dictate? But for me I guess it's the brain and the heart [i.e., logic and emotion] battling things out until I can [hopefully] find that balanced point.
What's odd is that I sometimes worry if I don't want to let the feelings or emotions cede when I could. I don't think that's really the case and it's just the logical side of me being confused about why I may feel whatever I may feel...but who knows.
Anyway...of all the things on my mind, the general theme is one of stabilizing my life in many ways. The last almost 16 months since leaving LA have been absolutely amazing. I in no way regret the decision to leave my old job and take a giant, somewhat irrational step with my life to get to a happier place [I get that some people don't understand it]. At the same time, it's time to really buckle down to begin to accomplish the goals I do have in life. It's like I'm saying, "Lou, it's time to grow up," but I hate that terminology for some reason. I said something along those lines to my brother this past summer when I was in NYC and his response was "what, u of the Peter Pan syndrome?" So yes, there is some part of me that honestly must fight for the kid in me and everyone else. In that sense, it will never be time to grow up. At the same time, there's a time and place for seriousness, determination, responsibility, and other grown up sounding things. This is not to say I've been a child for the past 16 months. I took a step that I felt was necessary in life and it was a step along a winding road that I'm sure time will show was necessary to achieve whatever comes in the future. But know, it's time to start taking some more steps...
How did it already get to be almost 11? I was ready to pass out around 8, hahaha.
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