already written

a preemptive attempt…

So, my internet isn’t working yet so I’m “blogging” by writing in Word and I’ll just paste it to the blog tomorrow [hopefully], but I’m finally all moved into the new apartment. I finally emptied out the last few remnants in the old place and spent tonite cleaning it out [always fun]. As I finished up vacuuming and turned to lock the door to apartment 204 for the last time that feeling of hating moving kinda struck me…it saddened me to be honest.

It’s more than just the feeling of an empty space, barren after being so full of things and life. A while back I wrote about chapters closing in life and saying goodbye to that apartment is the closing of another chapter in life or really the last sentence in the chapter that closed a while back.

I guess I felt more at home in that little space than I realized…that’s what really makes is sad to close the door and lock it knowing I will probably never go in there again. I mean that in a literal sense, not a metaphorical one. As comfortable as I feel in my new surroundings, I still need to organize and get a few things and I’m just yet to make this space my own completely. A part of me also feels I will only be here 9 months…with such a defined amount of time I think a part of me is tempted to never grow as attached and comfortable as I could. But 9 months is a long time [someone I know would say you could make a baby in that time…but that’s not what I’m hoping for…] and I’m sure I will soon feel truly settled here [maybe once I get that new TV I desperately crave]. And then the day to move will come again and I’m sure I’ll feel the same way again.

I think it’s a sign of how, at first, change isn’t always welcome or comfortable. At the same time change tends to bring many good things…like all the changes of the past handful or so of months have led to where I am right now, a really good place. There’s just an adjustment period. What’s really funny is how certain changes can almost go unnoticed. For example, when u make a great new friend, come across a new love interest, or even get a new coworker your life can change by the role this new individual plays in your life. But it’s easy to not think of life as changing, it’s normal to not feel the hesitancy towards change that can be felt, for example, in the opposite types of situation [i.e., where someone leaves your life].

Anyway, I’m stinking tired after waking up early to finish an assignment for work that didn’t get done because we got box seats to the Lakers season opening game last nite. All I have to say: that was an amazing experience, probably the best sporting experience so far in my life [aside from ending up on the front page of the sports section of an Indiana newspaper, pictured asleep during a Meeeeeeeeeeeechigan rout of Indiana back when I was a little kid]. Box seats are amazing…I doubt if I’ll ever have such an awesome opportunity again…but if you ever do be sure to take it!

no internets

so, i'm still yet to get the phone and internet working in my new apartment [altho the problem is apparently one the manager needs to fix as opposed to at&t] but i hope to be back online soon. i even wrote a blog post the other nite on my computer and saved it as a word document to paste here later. alas, that was on my desktop and i'm sitting here at work with my laptop.

i'm cutting out of here soon as soon as i finish writing here] and am really looking forward to a weekend of nothingness. i plan on relaxing, hanging artwork, going to a museum, watching football, and also hopefully getting out to take some fotos. ahh the weekend.

i'll need the rest of this weekend: to make up for the moving of the past week and a half and also to make sure i have enough in the tank for the rest of the year. looking at my calender it's going to be a busy 2 months. after this weekend i only have 1 weekend for the rest of the year where i won't be traveling or entertaining a guest at my apartment. on top of that i'm probably going to SF for New Year's even tho i get back from Michigan just to go to work for one day and then after work go up to SF.

i dunno, it sounds kinda ridiculous in some ways. obviously it'd be nice to have more of my circle down here in LA and hopefully my circle down here will grow. but at the same time i kinda enjoy the travels, the visitors, the feeling of either not being in LA or having someone not from LA there. it makes the weekend feel like more of an escape.

i can fall into being a real homebody. i've spent many a saturday drifting in and out of consciousness while lying on the couch watching football. so i guess when i am going to go in the opposite extreme. it results in a good balance. i'm sure i'll spend a good amount of time in January laying low. but i'm really excited about the next 2 months and keeping busy and getting to see lots of ppl i really love seeing.

but, now it's time to get started on one of those restful, lazy-a** weekends of accomplishing nothing with myself [except i do plan on doing a few fun things...i'm geeked about the murakami exhibit i plan on checking out sunday afternoon...if u don't know, he did the artwork for the latest kanYe West album].

ps - thanks to everyone for the well wishes about going to court. it went well and was really, really brief. i pretty much said my name and who i represent and wrote down a couple dates and that was that. thankfully i got sent to handle a really easy matter and got the chance to work on my nerves in a low key context to start off. more thoughts on litigating later...i just want to get home and veg out now...but i really appreciate all the support!

First nite in my new bed! First court appearance tomorrow too! Nervous & excited. Good nite world!

see blog title

I'm lying on the floor of my old apartment, surrounded by essentially nothing [my empty wardrobe, a small TV that isn't even mine, my DSL router and my wireless router which isn't working right now, my printer, and a lot of dust]. I'm in here because my phone and internet service won't get moved until Thursday and it just seemed right to close this place out with one last entry from here.

I moved here about one year and two months ago [I believe the exact date was August 25th]. Life is different in many ways since then and I'm happy to be where I am now. In the end I'd say every change has been for the better, even if it didn't always seem like it at the time. I spend a lot of time reflecting, thinking about past experiences but not living in the past. The past year taught me a lot and it seems like now I have a better picture of where I want to be another year from now [if not less than that]. The most important thing is to learn from our experiences, if you can then they are worth the time and effort that went into them.

Back to the moving topic, I've always hated moving. I hate seeing an apartment that used to be full of things and memories emptied out. I hate moving into a new place with everything a mess and with no ties to it. I guess the good thing about this short move is that I felt at home still [due to obvious similarities in appearance, etc.] and I was able to move things and put them in an appropriate place while doing so. I'm geeked about the new place and can't wait to get a bed tomorrow [assuming Josie doesn't flake on me]. Still a few things to figure out [mostly involving when to get a new TV, what to do about the lack of a cable jack in the bedroom, and how to set up my internet based on where my desk is and the phone jack locations]. It's nice having such a different experience moving.

I think my next move will be a much more significant one in terms of distance and what it means in what's going on with my life and I look forward to seeing where I get to go next. Like I said, the last year and something involved a ton of change and a lot of learning. I feel like I'm starting to really get my head into work more and moving forward in the learning curve [altho I still have a lot to learn and a lot to get better at]. I'm also learning from past relationships and really enjoying dating someone and just getting to know someone new and really cool. The one area I could work on is developing more friendships down here in LA but I think that mattered received some attention in previous posts.

I dunno what more to say really. I look back at this now empty place and think about everything that happened since moving down here and all I know is I'm happy to be where I am now, knowing all I do and everyone I do. For a while I was stuck in the past in some ways, holding on to something that had long been gone [probably longer than I realized]. Now I'm really in the present and looking forward and back to being foolish ass, generally worry free, silly, dorky Lou...and I have been for the past couple months. I guess seeing it's been that way for a couple months and seeing the feeling persist combined with getting into a new place/space...it's just really something that's hitting me in a revelatory fashion.

Well, my back is hurting from sitting/lying on the floor in here and I've got to put some stuff away in the new pad. But I do hope to continue blogging frequently once I get all moved into the new digs...house warming party anyone?

One Hundred!

With this post my blog turns 100. There are 2 additional posts that are saved as drafts [one necessary for my profile pic and the other is my running list of reasons to move back to San Francisco (which can also be seen as my gchat status message)]. My last blog made it to just a few posts past 100 I think and then the time came to change it up. This blog reached what I personally consider somewhat of a milestone in much less time, even if some of the posts were silly as message posted via text message [a feature I need to take better advantage of in the future].

I think I got here faster out of a need to write more; writing became something I needed for a few months, even if just to ramble on about somewhat significant and oftentimes insignificant topics. I know it's just repetition but the writing has slowed in part out of distraction and also just in part because of stepping into a new phase in life where writing is a little less of a necessity. Yet it's still something I thoroughly and enjoy doing and should do more of any time I get the chance.

Looking back on this latest attempt at blogging I feel like I've covered a lot of ground, gone through some pretty significant experiences, learned a lot, and used this space to take a step back at times, allowing for greater reflection and a better perspective. Sometimes writing here just helps me figure something out. Other times I just amuse myself with silly thoughts. But in the end it provides a space to be creative, even if that creation comes in the form of a pseudo-intellectual personal discourse with either myself or the imaginary person out there reading this silly thing. At the end of the day I'm really glad I started a blog just under 2 years ago. I hope my blogging has evolved [from just writing about current events in my life to something with some kind of meaningfulness to it] in that time. But all that really matters is I'm still here doing this, growing with it, and taking the time to spend on my own with my thoughts, emotions, and reflections whether they are serious, silly, or just tangential to everything. Here's to 100 more entries...
___________________

I spent another weekend traveling to San Francisco this past weekend. I flew home in the evening and exhaustion prevented me from blogging Sunday night. I knew this was the 100th post and I wanted to put some effort into it, even if I'm sleepy right now and should get in bed. It's been pretty interesting lately when it comes to my thoughts and feelings on San Francisco. Honestly, the past few weeks came with a serious desire to get back there as soon as possible. I guess spending 6 of the 9 last weekend can have that effect. But last weekend (not this past one but the one before that) a couple of good friends came to LA and we kicked it which was awesome. They were my first real visitors in LA and it brought a lot of joy to play host for once [especially since I always play guest with those guys]. I hope to get them down here again [maybe with a couple more homies] and I look forward to my next visitor from the Yay area.

But the desire to move and also a certain level of eagerly anticipating taking a step forward in the work world made for some personally difficult days at work. I know a career takes time to develop and one must pay dues along the way, taking one step after another - it's a journey. But I grow somewhat impatient at times and more importantly I'm getting a better, more refined image of what I really hope to end up doing. I don't mean to complain because I know how lucky and blessed I am to have the job I do [I'm going to court for the first time next week which is rather scary in some ways even if it's supposed to be a pretty straightforward matter]. But I do also hope to take some big steps in the coming years to move forward with things.

Knowing I'd like to end up in a different location and getting this better picture of what I want out of work led to some periods of dissatisfaction. Stupid? Of course. But I guess times like those provide some of the drive to stay on top of things and to not lose sight of who I really am and what all that entails.

Getting up to the Bay provided a nice fresh breath but also knocked some sense into me in that upon returning [as much as I missed the location and the people up there] I felt a sense of readiness to tackle things back here. I also know I could make more of an effort to meet people and develop more of a network in Los Angeles. But I hesitate in part because it's hard to imagine people playing the roles so many up North do in my life.

Anyway, another great weekend which included some of the following highlights...

• getting really gross pizza
• farting and pooping discussions
• dancing with the homies [see the last post for all the thoughts on hitting the club]
• open-faced egg sandwiches from Duboce Park Cafe
• both UCLA and Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeechigan winning important games against quality opponents [and calling 2 turnovers in the UCLA game before they happened]
  
• 3 dogs: the one trying to get some food from me, the one lounging in the sun, the one dragging its a** along the sidewalk
• listening to music at funny speeds
• yummy Chinese food [eating some veggies!]
• watching Scary Movie 2 [I'm not sure why I own that movie]
  
• brunch at Rockridge Cafe
• encountering all the Raiders fans as I made my way to the airport

I think the lists of fun events, occurrences, and happenings in San Francisco explain why I posses a strong desire to end up back there one day. But until then I'll just focus on work and trying my best and learning as much as possible. Like I wrote about moods, when it comes to work and Los Angeles it's largely about perspective; how you look at and approach something can make a huge difference.
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Well, it really is getting late and I need to try to get in a little early tomorrow to make up for likely leaving early again. I came home early today to sign the lease for my new apartment but my manager was nowhere to be found. Annoying but I managed to do some work at home tonight. But it means I must leave early again tomorrow [but not until I call and make sure my manager will actually stick around]. I really hope I get the paperwork done tomorrow and can start moving stuff and getting settled down the hall. A little change will be nice.

Aside from that, I'm also looking forward to getting home for the holidays (Turkey Day and Christmas). I think going back home to Ann Arbor is vital to my well-being. Obviously seeing family is really important and always a refresher. On top of that I think Ann Arbor just plays a role in my life: providing a certain grounding to my mind and emotions. I guess it really is going home and getting back to my roots a bit, remember where I come from and what role that plays in who I am today. Also reminding me how I've come a long way [not just physically in terms of the distance but also as an individual in that I started a life for myself out here in California where I knew no one when I arrived a little over 8 years ago - holy crap, it's been that long?] and can get through anything that comes my way, with the help of those closest to me as an individual.

I'm really happy I get to go home for the amount of time I do [I expected less]. I'm also just really happy to have the opportunities in life I do [from work to the ability to go up North on a whim to the people I know and who play important roles in my life]. But, as I mentioned before heading down this silly little tangent, it's time to brush up and get some sleep.

Thanks to all those readers who tune in and stuck around thru these 100 posts. I'm glad you all read this and get to at least know a little of what's going on in my life and head. =]
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A couple quick points:

• click on the image at the top of the page if you want to see the animated version I hoped would show up but I don't think did
• I added some new links on the right [a couple great blogs and a fun new website that's a sweet source for news and interesting articles and videos] - be sure to check them out!
  

late nite lyin on the couch

i'm lying on my boys' couch after another nite out on the town in sf with the homies. as always, a good time. i think it's just the mentality that ensures a good time is guaranteed: instead of worrying about anything we just roll with the focus of having fun with good friends. a good time is always had.

as is often the case, we went to get our dance on...thankfully my homies are all about gettin' down [prolly part of why they're my ppls in the first place]. i loving dancin. to be honest i have lots of private dance parties at home on my own. u gotta get your practice on somewhere, right?

anywhere, my thoughts as i lie here [yet again] are about how funny ppl in da club are a lot of the time. obviously it depends on where u go, but u get all kinds of hilariousness at clubs. u've got the gurls who love getting all the attention but don't actually want to dance with anyone. then there are the guys who are just horn-balls, trying to dance up on every gurl from behond, sneakin & creepin up on the ladies. there are the raunchy couples getting way too freaky for the world to see. let's not forget the guys who just stand there and watch, checkin out gurls but refusing to dance themselves [as if it would be lame of them to do so]. some of the best ppl are the ones who just aren't very good at dancing but still love to boogie the nite away.

in the end, i could just sit there and ppl watch and enjoy the hell out of myself. but that ain't my style. sometimes u just gotta get wild with your peeps and just dance. not trying to bust up on anyone or even really giving a crap about anyone there, instead just feeling the beat and enjoyin the ppl u're there with. tonite was one of those nites. it was refreshing and something i needed because the last few times i'd seen some of the homies up here our plans got scattered and we kinda ended up going in separate directions. it was good to just roll with it tonite.

well, i'm pretty exhausted from the dancing...time to pass out...

song of the nite: T.I. - Big Things Poppin' [while not played at the club, it definitely set our nite off right]

moods...

being in a bad mood sucks. i woke up today with a severe case of the mondays. the weather sucked [all cloudy and misty out], it was monday, another fun weekend ended, another fun weekend was days away, and i was just plain tired. it didn't really go away and i didn't get much done at the office [prompting me to leave a little early just because i knew there was no point staying].

while i was in this funky mood of grouchiness i realized 2 things...

1. it was national grouch day [at least in canada]

2. i could easily move myself out of the grouchy mood with just a little bit of effort

as for #2, i really think it's possible to alter your mood and that moods are about your mindset and attitude and outlook. sometimes that's obviously not the case but i think when it's that bad it's not really a bad mood but actually something provides a reason for u to feel down. but when u're just in a funked out mood i believe u can get out of it if u really put in the effort [which might not be all that much in the end].

did i do so today? not really. i kinda just relished in grouchiness. going to McDonald's for lunch was fun and helped [altho getting the exact same pair of monopoly pieces on my fries and drink was the ultimate in lame]. taking a little nap when i got home also was enjoyable and the evening at home was pleasant.

i don't know why i just sat there in a funk today. in part i just wanted to stay in the mood or more accurately i didn't feel like putting in any effort. it's not really how i roll but today i made an exception. haha. anyway, my brief thoughts for the nite...tomorrow is another day and a chance to be more productive...but that will involve some sleep...