in need of retooling

i feel like this blog has lost its way a little. more accurately i feel my writing was better or stronger or maybe just more relevant and and more well articulated in the past. it's something that is beginning to gnaw at me because it causes hesitation in writing which just compounds my feelings about this blog o' mine.

i spend time thinking about why this has happened, trying to figure what i can do to get back to what i felt was better and maybe more interesting writing. first off, i know that writing is not my forte by any stretch of the imagination. it's more something i enjoy and like to spend time doing. it's also something i enjoy working on in this space and it provides an outlet and a place to think out loud in a manner of speaking. but i definitely believe my skill set is somewhat limited, especially compared to those of some i am close too who also blog. to be blunt, writing is difficult and it is a complicated task to articulate one's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

beyond that, another thing i noticed recently is that i find i am inspired to write at times when i cannot do so: i'm at work or on a trip or for whatever reason away from a computer. yet the topics and thoughts persist, even if the mood and mindset to write has passed. i find i sometimes force a post in these situations, leading to less than stellar writing.

oddly, another part of the problem [if it truly constitutes one] is that much of my earlier writing was generated from thoughts and emotions from a difficult time in life. adversity definitely inspired in a way...it was necessary to find an outlet or to work thru things in some fashion. so life in a certain manner of speaking has settled, tho it still comes with its craziness.

a definite lack of effort is to blame at times as well. becoming too easily distracted while writing, not spending enough time when i am at home with a computer [or anywhere else with a computer for that matter] just with my thoughts and in front of my writing space...these are part of the problem.

as a polar opposite to this, sometimes i just try too hard to write something and to sound intelligent and/or profound. i do my best to avoid moments like this and to simply write within myself, but there are times when i lose that focus.
i'm not sure exactly why it happens, because it's not something i'm usually concerned with...but recognizing that oddity is important.

anywho...now is the time to rededicate myself here. i am unsure as to the exact approach to take, but i will at the least put more effort into things [including the music blog because the thoughts expressed here are also true for that space as well]. yet at the same time, this is a fun past time for me and it needs to stay that way.

a prediction come true

So, I think it was thursday when I predicted an epic weekend with my facebook status. Obviously the weekend involved a trip to the City [duh]. I think the list of highlights below shows just how correct my prediction was...

• the overly-PDA couple sitting next to mean on the plane, as i was trapped in the window seat [a total NOT-highlight]
• the really weird cabbie
• rolling out 2004 style
  
• 80s themed t-shirts
• the great 80s tunes
• only catching the tail end of "Don't Stop Believing" [again, a real NOT-highlight]
• not being everyone else
• dancing it up to some 80s
• the ambiguously geigh duo
  
• the scene that was clearly put on for Peter and i
• finally seeing music videos on TV again and how enthralled with them i found myself
  
• lunch and a little chillin with family and friends
• finally checking out fritz
  
• grocery shopping with Jeremy
• getting lost on the way to the concert [it was pretty amusing to be honest]
• Sam's "let me go ask for directions" excuse for buying a back of chips
• the bag of chips Sam bought
• my hatred of my friends [just kidding...i admit i was being a brat]
• kanYe West - every song was amazing but some of the highlights include: getting chills from "Champion," the heartfelt "Hey Mama" performance along with "Don't Stop Believing," 10 minutes of "Good Life," and the encore of "Homecoming" and "Touch the Sky"
• the Sam dance
• salsa jeans
• Julie being a better driver than Dale Earnhardt
  
• brunch with family
• the funny guy in the Sunglass Hut where my brother got some replacement shades [badass, Neo style]
  
• "I want sportier glasses!"
• a new [and second] pair of shades for me [von zipper Rockford's]
  
• Zohan, disco, the Zohan dance, "who says this?"
  
• hitting the gym
• running into someone i kno for the 4th consecutive trip to the City
  
• NOPA man date
• Los still not having showered
• getting a cab the second we walked out the door
  
• the funny numbers given out
• having more fun than anyone else at Dragon Bar
• the beer bottle party fouls
  
• PWT showing his inner PYT by busting out some old school dance moves
• a little bit of a battle
• the "Don't Stop Believing - Billie Jean" mashup!!!
  
• Sam's pizza
• the run for a cab ride
• Los storming in
• no Johnny Drama style breakfast
• a quick stroll thru the Haight-Ashbury Street Fair
• a quick beer at Danny Coyle's
• the traditional burrito run
• Office Space and Real Genius
• the male Sarah Jessica Parker

Good times all around from the minute the trip started. It's nice to spend time in a place so comfortable with such great people and also to get to spend some time with my brother in a place I still feel is home to me. Looking forward to getting up to see my bro and the friends that are in many ways my extended family again soon...

man date weekend.

tho the weekend is not officially over just yet, i'm going to jump ahead and do one of my recaps a little early in the day...before likely passing out for nap time. =p my weekend did not consist of a trip north [tho the coming weekend will] but a good friend from the City came down in part for a conference and also just to hangout and roll like we do. so some highlights...

• crazyass construction by [lame] USC
• pastel polos
• pinkberry [trip 1]
• Los' new sunglasses case [gold]
  
• power naps
• LaLa's, part 2
• sparks'ing it up, brown bag style
• "Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay!!!"
• watching the crazy chick MMA fight [homegurl got beat down!]
  
• Beirut
• the guy on Peter's team
  
• Menage, part 2
• dancing the nite away
• Los's rejected requests for T.I. and Flo-Rida [booooo]
  
• "I like all kinds of juices."
• Los' plan for the drive on the 5
• Roscoe's,part 3
• pinkberry [trip 2]
• the Los Feliz t-shirt
• all the goofy text messages we were sending to the third amigo

obviously, it was a blast and it's always a pleasure to have the homies down here, especially with how often they host me. still a little fun to come in the day i'm sure, including a nap, seeing my brother, and maybe a silly trip to the mall or something goofy.

interesting.

as i lay in bed last nite doing a little reading before passing out shortly after a friend got into town, i looked up at the bookshelf in my room. for a very brief moment i experience a surreal sense of looking at my bedroom as tho i were a visitor myself. it was odd to see something so familiar in a such a way...a trippy experience even ever so brief. but it's always interesting to at least attempt to examine oneself from a different perspective.

i feel it is all too easy to get caught up in one's own perspective, one's own way of thinking and being...yet it is beneficial to also step outside yourself and examine those very things [your perspective and way of thinking]. on a bit of a tangent, i feel this is especially true when it comes to political beliefs [as well as morals, ethics, etc.]. we all have our belief systems in what is right, how things should be, and so on but it's good to question oneself and experience somewhat of an existential crisis.

anywho, the point of this is that last nite was trippy, even if only for a moment. and maybe it's just a reminder to think differently or examine the way i look at things or thinkg about things...that or i was just really tired.

an epicly minor setback.

Another year of NBA basketball, another Easter Conference Finals appearance for the Detroit Pistons...a team I hold very near and dear to my heart. Watching the playoffs this year, I came to realize just how much of myself I invest in the Pistons [as well as my other most loved team, the Michigan Wolverines football program]. Watching this teams can be an exhausting experience for me, even if I'm just watching at home by myself. I empty out my emotions, cheering in full force and quite frankly making a huge ass out of myself in the confines of my own home. I'm much more tame in public tho I will gladly trash talk anyone.

I will support these teams at any point, no matter the score, no matter the season, no matter the level of success they are having. But both my Pistons and Wolverines have spent the last handful or so of year with so much potential, only to fall short [either in rather epic fashion or in more understandable manner]. Tonite the Pistons lost game 6 to the Celtics, bringing an end to another great season. 6 years, 6 Eastern Conference Finals...but only 2 trips to the Finals and just 1 Championship. Ahhh...it's frustrating because I know they could have accomplished more. But it's just frustrating and nothing more. It will not cause me to turn on my teams. Never.

Yet I oddly find the untapped potential to also be true of my life as well. I could toot my own horn and say I possess an inordinate amount of potential that I often fail to put to good use. A part of me is foolish enough to be so bold, so brazen, so not humble to actually believe such bravado. To be completely honest, in the fantasy world in my mind I spend a lot of time in, it's a true statement. Yet we dwell in reality..or so some tell me. Anyway, my point is I do sometimes feel as tho I could have accomplished more in certain situations. Aside from accomplishment, maybe I just missed some opportunities.

I know these feelings are likely true for all of us. And I definitely do not live in a world full of regret or thinking I could or should have done X, Y, or Z differently. I just look back and see how certain things could have been different. That's the point of hindsight.

My only point in all this rambling is that I think part of my love for these teams, part of how it is I'm able to put so much of myself into them is that I see some level a resemblance to myself. It's a funny connection, not the best aspect of one's individuality...but it also teaches lessons and allows me to grow.

As I did a little catching up with a friend on the phone tonite, I mentioned how a certain aspect of my life is bringing me down and it's honestly getting to point that it takes me out of being who I am. It's unfortunate but we all go thru tough times and must get thru certain things to get to others. It's definitely a temporary situation and at the end of the day not as important as many of the aspects of life. But it does take me out of my normal state of jovial being, as I phrased it.

Yet I find a renewed passion for music and seeing friends and just living life. Well, I've lost my train of thought and actually gotta jet...but I feel a sense of finding myself all over again and also finding new aspects of who I am and coming into my own all over again in certain ways. So, really I'm not getting to knocked off balance...but more finding a new one as I learn form past lessons and also develop and experience new things.

It.

Another game of tag is going round. Once again, my brother has decided to pick on his younger sibling and tag me, among others. Actually, it's fun and I'm grateful. Below are the rules and my answers...

Rules:
The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about himself or herself. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Ten years ago:
I was in my junior year of high school...being a foolish kid, acting stoopid and just being a 16 year old. I was enjoying my time as a junior, spending time with friends, developing some of my closest friendships that have lasted to this day. It was also around the time I first felt what I thought were really serious feelings for a girl. And while it may not have been all I thought it to be at the time (everything of the time), it was a defining period which I learned and grew from.

Five things on today's "to do" list:

1. write a review of the new Lyrics Born album, Everywhere at Once on my music blog.
2. write this blog entry
3. buy some new shoes for the kanYe West concert [and just in general]
4. check my funds for buying shoes
5. take out the trash
   

Things I'd do if I was a Billionaire:

1. pay off my debts, my parents' debts, my brother's debts, and the debts of those i love
2. invest in an intelligent manner such that i could live comfortably off of the dividends
3. buy a mini cooper and another car
4. buy a sweet place to live in the City
5. donate money to good causes
6. continue to work, but at something i truly love and would want to do with money not a concern
7. open up a club with Peter
   

Three Bad Habits:

1. continuing to eat even after i'm full, just cuz it tastes good
2. having an addictive personality when it comes to things like people, music, and video games [thankfully not booze or drugs tho]
   
3. being bad about cleaning the kitchen
   

Five places I've lived:

1. Hartford, Connecticut
2. Ann Arbor, Michigan
3. Los Angeles, California
4. San Francisco, California
5. Glendale, California
   

Five jobs I've had:

1. DJ
2. "attorney at law"
   
3. working the booth at Cottage Inn during Art Fair
4. Urban Outfitters during Art Fair
5. UCLA Concessions
   

Five People I'm Tagging:
Peter, Lisa, Sperry, Jospeh, and Swiyyah

epic weekend

Friday afternoon I made the executive decision to head north for a friend's concert and another friend's birfday, as well as Bay to Breakers. As is always the case, it was definitely worth the time driving. The usual rundown of some highlights...

• making a surprise appearance
• the unnecessary run to Danny Coyles for last call
• the double flavored bag of Doritos
  
• playing some golf for the first time in ages and have some good laughs while doing so
• seeing a good friend sing for the first time in a long time
• San Francisco burritos
• me: "Los, have I ever told you that your existence brings happiness to my life?"
  Los: "Your trips to San Francisco bring happiness to my existence."
  
• the dancing crew having a good time at Medjool even if the music was whack as usual
• Los' newfound distaste for Medjool
• breakfasting up, Johnny Drama style
• short shorts, headbands, and wristbands
• Los: "I wish it were socially acceptable to dress like this all the time."
  
• Bay to Breakers and all its craziness
• Ed's new school boombox with it's old school aesthetic
• randomly running into ppl i know for the 3rd straight trip to the Bay
  
• holding down Bay to Breakers with multiple dance parties
• Los: "You girls are smokies!"
  
• Rick Rolling Bay to Breakers
• the dood who broke the door on the MUNI bus
• listening to Mariah Carey's "Side Effects" way too many times on the drive home [what can i say, it made sure i stayed awake]
  

i guarantee u there are quotes from the weekend i'm missing...it was a truly legendary time. looking forward to a visit from those up north down here in LA in a couple of weeks...but until then it's time to rest up. i'm exhausted a lack of sleep as well as a general exhaustion from trekking out Bay to Breakers. but it was all worth every minute of it.