and the breaks just keep on coming

so it's pretty clear the blogging has fallen off lately. i still find myself thinking about things to write about...just never at a convenient time to write (read: as i drive to and from work). add in being busy at work, lazy at home, and the fact that i can watch Heroes online thru netflix and it's a recipe for not a lot of blogging. the music blog is in worse shape.

i guess the hope is that the continued thinking and pondering will catch up to me...and also that i'll get the necessary inspiration to write about some of the thoughts. the need to write on the music blog is beginning to gnaw at me but i should get some sleep for now...only because the netflix site is undergoing maintenance. anywho...goodnite.

in need of refining

my writing definitely needs work. i feel my last post is an example of a poor job of failing to express my thoughts in a clear manner. i think i shouldn't write with the tv on as much as i do as it simply distracts me and disrupts my train of thought. i should do a better job of remembering exactly what i want to write about on the occasions that i end up writing about thoughts i spent time at an earlier time.

anywho...that's about it for tonite. been working most of the day but made a nice dinner and got some pinkberry...sprinkling in some vegging out and olympics viewing to make the day bearable. another day of work tomorrow which isn't ideal...i'm already looking forward to next weekend and it's still this weekend. can't wait for the weekend after next, making the long-awaited return to the City after what will be 7 weeks of not venturing north (must be a record for the last year). looking forward to time with friends and some serious dancing. it's why i need to break out the old school moves and get my practice on. ha.

move your feet.

in my last entry i wrote about a lack of crushes. it was probably a misstatement for me to go that far...i'd say i am crushing on at least one gurl. in typical fashion i do nothing about it...she's my gym crush and to be honest approaching a gurl at the gym is awkward on its own and i'm totally not that guy who is at the gym to hit on the ladies. also, i don't see my gym crush too often...and finally i'm just me and my habit is to not do anything about a gurl i'm crushing on.

but i think in a way what i was expressing last time i wrote was more a lack of passion and excitement about things in life. not a general malaise but just a lack of specific things to get hyphy about, so to speak. yet since last writing i've come to realize that too is untrue.

i'm excited and passionate about many things in life, from some of the upcoming big events to just things i can do everyday. today, i took a "break" from my workout [after being on a elliptical machine next to the gym crush and of course doing nothing but wondering why i was really tired and felt kinda ill] and headed into the studio the gym has. it was empty and so i took the opportunity to attempt to relive some younger days and actually try out some of the dance moves learned back late in high school...also updating with the new moves. importantly, i wanted to see how good or bad my six-step is these days.

the first attempts were not impressive but i began to realize that i'm actually stronger than i've ever been at this point in my life [tho i don't know if i'm in the best overall shape of my life] and got the six-step flowing pretty well. i goofed around with some other stuff and just generally had a good time rocking out on my own with no music [it would have been on like donkey kong if i had some tunes]. i love to dance...i'm looking forward to doing some dancing again soon and i plan on working things out on my own when that studio is empty. i'll keep watching movies from the awesomely bad dance movie vault for inspiration.

**********

in other news, it's been a little over a year since i started work. i've learned a lot, including things i like and things i don't like. i've also learned that i have a lot to learn. but it's about figuring it out and just taking things away from your experiences and gaining what you can from them.

i've long felt a temporary sense to this job and this time in LA. i think it is what lead to the feeling of lacking earlier. as my friend pointed out, there's a need to get back to the City for the crushes to materialize...but really it's just what is necessary to find permanency and settling and truly embracing all the various aspects of life, be it dancing or working or just putting the various pieces of life together.

i feel much of my rambling, random as it may seem at times, is actually a coherent set of thoughts, emotions, concerns, and wonders. the coherence comes from the fact that my ramblings tend to go to the various aspect of life, i ramble about the many things that make up my goofy, foolish individuality.

anywho...i'm rambling and distracted by funny Olympic events. i leave with this...

Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With

that was a pretty redonkulous hiatus.

so, i clearly strayed far, far away from the goal of blogging daily for a month. i had a good run but totally lost it as of late...in part it came from being busy...but that is more of an excuse than an actual justification for the shortcomings on the writing front.

i think it really goes to just a lack of focus and a fractured train of thought of late. at times interesting topics flowed thru my mind but either i was not in a place where i could write or i simply just couldn't focus myself on the task. while not much is new, even on the intellectual or mental front, some milestones have occurred in recent weeks...including hitting the one year mark at work. my thoughts on that are a bit all over the place, much as i find my thoughts more generally lately.

in chatting with a friend today we cracked jokes ever so briefly about the ladies we will marry. at one point i noted how i really can't say i've met the woman i will marry. not that one can ever really make the claim in either direction, one never knows until it happens i guess. and i'm in no rush to get married. but the point beneath the joke, and one i pointed out, was that i am in a way lacking any crushes at this time in my life.

when i look back at the various stages of "Lou" i can deifnitely identify the major crushes of each stage or era...from elementary school to middle school and high school...on to college and then law school...even the "adult" world has had its crushes for me. yet now i find myself a bit restless without a crush. the funny part is i never pursued any crush seriously...nothing ever came of them. but they provided something to daydream about...

does growing up entail less daydreaming? i sure hope not. but i definitely do ponder how i and my close friends will change as adulthood takes hold. my thoughts tend to center on whether i will ever really grow up enough, as i tend to think of myself as an overgrown child...or at least a foolish individual of mental youth.

my friend said i need to get back to the City for the crushes to materialize...and i do find myself running on fumes at times. at the least i could use a vacation and a get away from the daily routines of life...and i'm sure it would provide an opportunity to fall in love with a gurl i know next to nothing about and will not pursue but just daydream about in my own time. i am reminded of part of one of the quotes on my brother's facebook profile about fallin in love:

Sometimes it was all but ephemeral, maybe only
an afternoon, but not less real for that.
They stay in my mind these beautiful people,
or anyway people beautiful to me, of which
there are so many. You, and you, and you,
whom I had the fortune to meet, or maybe
missed.

i think i have a penchant for such types of falling in love...completely unreal in a way...but just as exciting and fun and in its own way meaningful no less. the funny part about it is i don't really think i would know how to actually be serious about dating these days...the past year or so of exploring my individuality has been highly rewarding and eye-opening in many ways.

anywho...this was tonite's rambling of thoughts that pretty much came as i attempted to write, feeling a need to do so even if i didn't really start out with much in mind.

also...

aha!

lying on my couch i finally remembered what i thought to write about earlier this evening. sweet.

as i made my way through the line and it came my time to checkout at target the cashier asked me how i was doing. my response was a polite "good." this immediately prompted two thoughts in my mind, one familiar and the other prompting a bit of a funny realization.

my first thought was that our response to being asked how we are doing, especially by strangers or those we are not very close to is invariably something along the lines of good (or fine). it always makes me wonder why that is our default response, whether it is true or not. many times in my life my response has been "good" when it really was not how i felt. it just seemed like the only socially acceptable response at the time. i understand it...but it's just funny to me.

i also realized that tonite i really meant it when i said it. i mean, it's not a surprise but the past few months have involved at least getting down about one aspect of my life and at least for now it's something i'm coming to accept and be okay with...understanding it's not a permanent thing and it will simply come with ups and downs. hopefully it won't be the problem that it is for much longer...but who knows. hopefully i'll have a mini cooper soon to make everything in life awesome. haha.

anywho...back to vegging out on the couch.

bummer.

i totally forgot what i wanted to write about and sadly it was something i was looking forward to writing about and something that came to me all of a sudden as i stroll target this evening. it was nice because i felt i had nothing to write about or say and feeling like i had a topic of interest was nice. but now i forgot and that's a bummer.

bummer.

A new car!

I did not buy a new car, tho I did test drive a couple of Mini Coopers today...and they were a lot of fun to drive and I want one, badly. That just seemed like a fun title, something reminiscent of days spent watching the Price is Right as a child at daycare.

I find myself thinking back to earlier times in life more than usual these days...with no good reason. It's just a matter of simple reminders. For example, the intense heat of Los Angeles of late (which was only tempered ever so briefly..tho it remained quite humid...but the nites finally are coming with a certain cooling) has prompted me to take cool showers which take me back to warm summer days back home in Ann Arbor...after running around in the humidity and heat there was nothing one could do to cool off and find relief aside from cool off in the shower.

Other things take me back as well, funny things that escape me right now. It's funny to me to think about how we all grow, evolve, and change...for I'm sure many of us feel we continue on as the same individual we've always been (tho many of us all know and believe we've change). In talking with a good friend the other day she told me about her early college years, well before I knew her. In some ways she sounded so different than the person I know, which I pointed out and she felt she wasn't so different.

I feel I'm still the same dorky, foolish kid I was years ago in high school. I wonder if those who knew me than and continue to know me now would agree. We all grow and undergo certain amounts of change...yet we also remain the same and all have defining characteristics that make us the individuals we are...I'm sure you could ask anyone's family and/or lifelong friends and they would point out the ways in which person X was the same as a child as they are now.

It's likely impossible to know everything about a person...obviously we all have our secrets but beyond that we all are individuals of various layers and sides and we display different aspects of ourselves to different people, in part because the various circumstances in which we interact with others prompt different reactions. It's interesting and in some ways terrifying...but also very rewarding to get to know people better and also to trust in people when you don't know all about them.

Anywho...I want a Mini Cooper.