a long weekend ago...

Wow...it really has been a while since i last wrote anything on me blog, eh? Shame on me...and more importantly, how could i let a whole weekend pass between a trip to the City and my weekend update of sorts? Yikes. Anyway...on to the highlights of the long weekend away...

• finally getting in
• the usual feeling of being home
• the cleanest toilet...well, relatively speaking
• what was most likely my last Sparks
• the raw # of venues we tried to get into and actually went into
• the honest bouncers
  
• the eastern European club...what a trip
• persevering to good times
• the gurl with a crush on Kevin James
• having a gurl buy me a slice of pizza
• Ed disappearing, reappearing, and then disappearing allover again
• brunching up
• "Medium coffee"
• the stroll to downtown
• RUN SFC
• Los & Fred Perry
• getting some bomb sushi at a new place
• walking off dinner b4 dancing
• being the best dancers in the spot
• throwing down
• the gurl with the boyfriend who was totally feeling my dance moves
• getting hated on by the lesbian hipster
• "And we begin to rock...steady, Rockin til the break of dawn." [if u love all things awesome, u will watch this video]
• the determination to get brunch , no matter the hour
• enjoying some football with the boys
• continued Pong domination
• dressing up for dinner
• Poleng...mmm
• hitting up Hobson's Choice for the first time since early law school
• checking out the Alembic
• some serious conversation
• some conversation about sex
• some serious conversation about sex
• Deefs being down for late nite eats...and awful fried chicken being the result [so glad we bought that bag of Doritos]
• taking in a matinee
• being the last person to get on my plane

Another adventurous weekend in the City that is my other home. In other news, I'm beginning to get back some of that desire to write more...which makes me happy. I'ma ctually sitting in my office right now, starving and taking a break from work...I hope to actually stop what I'm doing and write when I get the inspiration, assuming I actually have the time to do so...hopefully that will lead to a little more writing. This 3 weeks off thing is wack.

apologies and privacy

so i know the blogging has fallen off quite a bit and in all honesty i see it not taking place as frequently as i'd like in the near future at least...in part it's due to a need to organize much of my life and begin to figure things out...but i often use this space for precisely that reason...yet i also find a desire and need to write more privately in my actual journal, a place where i can discuss and divulge more than here...so i hope the few loyal readers will continue to check in as i'm sure i'll write more and that things will pick up as i get more on top of life and just simple things like organizing my desk and home and in the process my thoughts, feelings, and reflections...and i apologize for the infrequency of the writing...

the year that was, the year that will come to be...

As 2008 comes to a close over here on the west coast, as always, it only feel appropriate to take some time out of my evening of vegetation and relaxation and put some thoughts down on...well, this interweb thingy. It is at this time of year that many of pause to reflect on the previous year and think about plans for the one to come.

Looking back on 2008, what stands out the most to me are times with family and friends...it was a year filled with a lot of great times with people I love dearly. These days I have my fair share of complaints about life and there are things that need changing, but in the end when I look back I'm left with memories of many a good time. It's a nice feeling to know that it's the good that stands out above anything negative. I see ways that relationships have developed and some ways in which I've grown individually...tho I also have spent some time as the year comes to a close thinking about areas for improvement.

Before moving on to 2009 I'd like to stop and thank all of u who made 2008 so much fun...i'm thankful for the continued friendships as well as the ones that really began to develop in this past year. I'm nothing without the people in my life [at least that's the way i feel about life]...so thank u for being a part of it and a part of this past year.

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Looking forward, I hope 2009 continues to bring about change and good things as this part year did. The start of a new year provides a time and an excuse to renew attempts at betterment from before as well as a chance to refresh and start on projects new. Changes are definitely necessary and I hope to make the necessary ones, the ones that will help me grow and develop. With that in mind...some goals for myself:

1. spend more time with the people who matter most and doing things i'm passionate about
2. write more [here, on the music blog, in my journal]
3. create a better balance to my life

I could list many specific things as resolutions [and I in fact started the list in that way], but i find it easier, clearer, and healthier to simple list fewer and broader resolutions for myself. I think the last really encompasses a lot and pertained to many parts of life...from time with friends to work to time at home.

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Anyway, enough about yours truly...thanks again to all those who were a part of 2008 and i wish u all nothing but the best for the year ahead!

weekends away...

So...the weekends since the last post both involved travels as well...first a trip home for Thanksgiving for the extended weekend and then this past weekend a run to the City for a holiday party...and just a chance to get away. Highlights from each...

the long weekend in ann arbor...

• being home
• time with family
  
• the day of the Turkey
• Thanksgiving food...especially the pecan pie
• X-mas tree hunting
• the expanded and finished room
• the first of the X-mas decorations
• time with friends
• SkullSplitter
  
• "You gotta be able to go left so u can co 'click click click'"
  
• Welcome to Portland
• Question: What are we doing?
• Answer: Hanging out, having a good time?
  
• the Hamburglar
  
• darts
• TK Wu
• remembering my headphones
  
• realizing more and more just how much i enjoy being home
  

the most recent City run...

• it being the weekend
• just making my flight
• "Big things moppin'"
• Los' company to get food
  
• SAL
  
• making Ed uncomfortable
• "Sasha"
• "Are you Persian?"
  
• hatin' on Los
• Cybelle's
• stumbling home on my own at 3 am
• surprisingly find a bummed out Los
• beating Duke
  
• college football and Popeye's chicken
• the White Elephant Guilty Pleasures Gift Exchange
• not getting my gift stolen
  
• the new taboo [not that great in the end] and bendy Bob [lots of fun]
• Circus being awful
  
• getting all caught up on Entourage
• a good nite for my boys
  
• catching up with Los late nite style
• Zerzan Bagels
• salmon cream cheese [gross]
  
• brunching up
• tree hunting
• a Target run
• Rubios

a couple of downers from this last trip to the City:

• lint in my headphone jack
• flight delays...ughhhhhhh

at the end of it all, the realization that it's time for me to take the next step in life grows stronger with each of these trips. one could argue it's so many trips away that prevent me from really settling into this phase...but i feel i've become very comfortable during my time here and it really just is time to move on. oddly, trips home make me wonder if there's going to be a stop after the one i hope to make soon. all i really know is that as the new year comes it's time to really put more effort into getting where i know i'm going.

dancefest '08

after a month away the Michigan vs. Ohio State and three birthdays provided good reason to return to the City for a weekend of foolish, dancing fun...and it lived up to and exceeded all expectations. It was a weekend that definitely involved a lot of new experiences...but was comfortable as it was still familiar...highlights...

• timely bart rides, a plethora of cabs...and just all the different methods of transport just working well together
• trying something new...and it not working out but it totally working out
• a couple of pretty stellar djs
• owning the dance floor [part 1]
  
• girls throwing down on the dance floor
• beat, ethnic Palin
• Wayne Wonder
  
• Peter: "And you would like it." Los: "And I'd watch"
• Gough to Turk to Steiner...why?
• rising early for football [even if the result wasn't so great]
• a good idea gone bad[another weird cab ride]
  
• gyming up
• napping up [big time]
• birthday dinner with friends
• owning the dance floor [part 2]
• "Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama!!!" followed by "Whatever You Like"
• the speediest cab
• Los losing his voice...and the angre therefrom
  
• fried chicken, gaterade, and cheez-its
• Los: "I'm at a low point - eating Cheez-Its with a bag on my wrist, stumbling all over the place. I'm like David Hasselhoff eating that cheeseburger"
  
• "Hey buddy" at like 8:30 a.m. [sorry for not waking for a talk Los]
• Cheez-Its...the breakfast of champions
  
• brunching up...La Boulange style
• strolling downtown
• taking in an afternoon movie
• getting in milo and driving home from the airport

Another solid weekend with great friends. Happy Birfday to the 3 birfday kids!!! Woohoo. See u in 2 weeks City.

now that makes me happy...

Seriously, as short and simple as this video is, it brings great joy to my life. I cannot take credit for its discovery, I came upon it via a friend's facebook status message. Every time I watch it, that goofy little clip makes me happy.

Happiness is a funny thing. Most everyone of us strives for it, hopes for it, searches for it, and finds it. We all feel a certain sense of entitlement to it [altho that realization has nothing to do with my thoughts right now]. What's funny about happiness to me is that, to be honest, I've often been afraid to be happy. I catch myself sometimes...feeling happy and content and truly satisfied with things...and then I begin to be afraid...afraid of losing it and things falling apart. What's funnier is when I catch myself catching myself...realizing the sense of fear and in a way, ever so brief and momentary panic of a sort.

The odd part about it is that I think I'm a pretty happy person...easily defining myself as happy-go-lucky. It's only when I find myself happy with certain things, things I'm usually discontent with, that I begin to worry about the unraveling. Lately I find myself connecting with Los Angeles and my work more...finding a certain comfort and joy in further developing the roots in the place I am often ready to move away from to the places that feel ever more like home. But I've been establishing more a balance between where I am and the places of dreams...and for the most part it's a good thing.

Oddly, I'm still deeply connected to the place I look to get back to, as tonite's barage of late nite text messages indicates. Good hearing for all the peeps...makes me of course wish I were there enjoying the silliness of it all. I look forward to next weekend up in the City with the clowns that I'm lucky to be able to call my good friends. Good nite for now.

a diatribe on our world's inequities

As many in our country celebrate and find joy in the last day's events, as I see many a facebook status message rejoicing, as many [including many of my closest friends] find hope and something wonderful...I find myself frustrated, disappointed, devastated, angry, sad and in a state of negativity. No, I was not and am not a John McCain supporter, but rather I find myself caring more about the outcome of Proposition 8 in California...personally it takes most everything away from the Presidential election and Barack Obama's amazing performance.

Many things have and will be said about Prop. 8 and I could go in many different directions with this post; as I spent my day at work I thought about a multitude of eloquent things to say...failing to remember them all now unfortunately...

I remember the day after John Kerry lost to George Bush 4 years ago...I remember how gloomy it was in San Francisco on that Wednesday, how the weather and general mood of the City seemed to mimic so perfectly my feelings about the election as well as those I was close to at the time [and am still close to now]. It was pretty much the low point in my brief history of caring about politics. That day really sucked.

But this day sucks more. As the results poured in yesterday I followed along closely, both at work and at home after I voting. By the time results started to come in about Prop. 8 the Presidential race was over and done with...and even if it weren't I would have followed Prop. 8 more closely than anything else. The initial results shocked me, with Prop. 8 in the lead...but I hoped it would change, as I had seen many other races change throughout the evening. Unfortunately it didn't as the nite rapidly became a bittersweet one.

I'm about to traverse a difficult line, a touchy subject and say some things that I'm sure could be easily misunderstood. With that disclaimer, I think anyone who knows me will understand what I'm saying. The election of Barack Obama, a man who is part African-American [among other things] to the Presidency of the United States rings hollow with an unfortunate irony to it. As more than one article as pointed out, around 70% of African-Americans voted in favor of Prop. 8 yesterday. It's saddening that the group that has served as the poster-child for just how intolerable and unfair discrimination is, on one what was a day of undeniable achievement and change for that group voted in such a way as to discriminate against another group of individuals, a group that I'm sure faces as much discrimination in its most perverse forms as any other in this day and age.

There are a multitude of reasons for such a voting pattern I'm sure. I lay no blame, but rather note that those age 65 and over also voted overwhelmingly in favor of Prop. 8 [while those age 30 and under voted strongly against it]. Another interesting stat: college educated people voted against Prop. 8 whereas those without a college education voted for it. As such it is clear that much of the discrimination that exists now is due to societal and generational differences...things that I do believe will pass in time. But the simple fact exists and it is truly unfortunate. It's no reason to judge or feeling anything about any group of people...it's far too easy to stereotype and to take simple statistics for more than they are...it's another to look at those numbers and see the opportunity to make a difference, have and influence, and potentially reach out to others.

As for making a difference, I may be as mad at myself as I am anyone else on this issue, feeling I should have done more than simply vote and post facebook and g-chat status messages against Prop. 8. My brother is gay and he recently married his wonderful partner out here in California, specifically in Los Angeles [LA County sadly voted in favor of Prop. 8 50.4% to 49.6%]. Leading up to the vote yesterday I didn't realize how strongly the issue would impact me and how much it meant to me...and I'm annoyed with myself for not making more of a contribution to a cause I care deeply about. I have thought much about my brother and Jeremy these last 24+ hours...reading Nick's blog entry today saddened me to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. Neither he nor any other person in this nation of ours, in this world we live in deserve to feel discriminated against and like there is something he or she cannot do, cannot obtain. And so now I kick myself a bit...

Yet at the same time I know how hard it must be to convince anyone on the issue. It tends to be a polarizing one...some studies suggest people had their minds made up in August, well in advance of the onslaught of ads that came about. I think the way in which a difference is made is when people actually see gay couple together, see the normalcy of their relationships and the love they share for one another...the same love that everyone else shares with/for their significant others, their family members, their closest of friends.

People will try to say that "traditional" marriage needed saving. They will argue this has been a moral battle. Other will say that this was about the kids and that it's about the family. Those are all pathetic excuses that have nothing to do with anything. Bob and SueAnn marrying has not effect on my life, just like Jim and Tom marrying doesn't change anything for me or anyone else.

Marriage, the marriage that "traditionalists" say needs defending is about loving another person, about caring for another human being and finding that you want to put them before you. It's about committing to spend your life with someone. Marriage is about a fundamental connection between two individuals who want to share their lives together and who also often would like to build a family together to share in that love. When a father loves his son, when a mother loves her daughter...there's nothing wrong with it. Clearly it's not about two members of the same sex loving each other and caring about each other. Some say marriage is a sacred bond [and then say it's only between man and woman], but it's about the bond and not the two individuals who share it. It's where two become one and really the special thing about marriage is what comes about from it, not the individuals entering into it. There are plenty of straight marriages that don't work out and I'm sure many relationships between gays don't workout either. But there are plenty of gay couples out there who care as deeply about one another, who have a relationship full of love and meaning equal to that of any straight couple...there's no reason to discriminate.

I feel I could go on for so long on this issue. But I'm happy to know the good fight continues on, even if there should be no need for a fight now. I've come to realize that it's important to take the frustration, anger, sadness, and every other powerful emotion I've felt and make sure it doesn't go to waste; it's necessary to use that energy for something positive and glorious...because moping will get one nowhere. To all those whose hearts were broken by the results of yesterday [including those in Arizona and Florida, as well as Arkansas which ridiculously banned gay couples from adopting], know that there are many, many out there who love you and support you and are with you on all of this...and tho patience should not be necessary at this time and tho now was supposed to be the time for change, I and many others will not give up on ensuring equal treatment you and everyone else.

On a closing note, a couple articles about how this issue is far from resolved...

sfgate

queerty

And you can find the California Supreme Court opinion that provided us with so much hope and made it possible for many to marry here. It's a bit of a read, but maybe we could all find the time to look it over and recognize that equality is what's important.