flailing

in an internal regard, it's been a difficult few weeks. a lot of questioning and attempts at figuring some things out...but without many answers or much progress. the confusion and uncertainty is draining, tiring...and the discontent with other aspects of life [which simply spurs the confusion] at times feels insurmountable. it leaves me feeling as tho i'm flailing about...trying to grasp hold of anything with which to pull myself up and onto stable ground.

but this just all makes it sounds worse than it is. yet in a way it really is all that there is...

someone confirmed some of my personal suspicions today. difficult to hear, of course...but at the same time ...well, there is no "at the same time." as much as i need a change, that very need of a certain change has led to a different kind of change...not one that is beneficial. the only thing i can say is that i'm as tired of it as the next guy.

the feeling of being a malcontent is unbecoming and simply unenjoyable. what to do about it is daunting at times but i guess it's best to just reflect and notice the many great tendencies of those around me. they tend to set a good example, one i sometimes lag behind. i guess this solves some of the riddles facing me. and hopefully i can get back to not allowing the others adversely affect the person i'm looking to become in life.