what to do

i fin myself asking a lot of questions about life lately. it's actually more asking the same questions over and over again, sometimes in different ways. but it all boils down to the following: what to do? what to do about the circumstances in life that i'm unhappy with?

i get conflicting opinions from the various people in my life...their different views are entirely expected and make sense. some say to take what sounds to be the safe road. others say now is the time to take a different, riskier step. i find myself leaning in between, hoping to find a happy medium between the conservative, responsible approach and a more freeing, riskier, less known path.

it's terrifying trying to sort it out and figure out what to do. i find myself too consumed with worry about what to do that i find myself paralyzed by the uncertainty. coupled with the unhappiness brought on by the present circumstances that i'm trying to do something about [and obviously trying to figure out what to do about], i simply want to sleep, to shutdown, to hibernate or become a hermit and in that way simply run away from it all.

doing something about everything is scary. doing something about everything is hard. and it's easier to do nothing except that it accomplishes the opposite of helping. i'm at one of those points in life where it feels like screaming might help. but it won't really...instead things just wear on me and begin to have a negative effect on me.

yet here i am...thinking, not acting as much as i probably should...kinda just continuing to freak out and wonder. hopefully writing this and realizing all of this helps motivate me...maybe i don't need motivation to do some of the things i could because that's simply not the path for me in the end. time will tell. and while i'd say i grow impatient, it's not so much that but rather that i'm tired.