oddly in and out of place...

Around 5:30 this evening a coworker asked if I was going to this Hastings alumni continue legal education program taking place about a block away from our office. I hadn't previously heard of it but figured why not...it's free and I could use the one hour of credit from it.

As I mingled a little and just interacted with others at the event I felt completely out of place. As the actual panel of speakers began to talk, I sat and wondered if and when I will ever grow up. Will I always think the way I do, find humor in the things I do, act in the manner I do, and generally continue to be goofy and foolish in the ways I am? Being in the environment of other lawyers, many of whom have been practicing law for many years, definitely made me feel young and in some manner of speaking [altho not necessarily a negative one] immature.

Yet I also felt comfortable in interacting with others and engaging in discussion. In that sense I was comfortable...playing the role one would expect of an adult, of a professional...I think it's a tribute to my chameleon like nature [tho I make no claim to being the only one to have multiple facets].

The more general thought and bit of concern is just how much I truly fit in to this world I've placed myself in, because as much as I was able to apparently fit in I also felt that my inner self was too much of a goofy character to really belong. It makes me question the potential for longevity in this field, this circle, this group I put myself into with much hard work. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing what I am really meant to be doing.

The little word jumble above came about from reading a friend's blog earlier tonite. You go to a website and enter text and it uses an algorithm to generate a word jumble, as above. One of the few things of substance I have written is the note I wrote for my journal second year of law school. I decided I would throw the language from that in just to see what came about.

The image fits with tonite's thoughts because I am very comfortable with all the terms in it, in fact I do have a keen interest in and some knowledge of them. And with that it's clear I can find comfort in this legal world. But I often find myself somewhat lost in the legal realm. It could just be that I am longing to find other aspects of it compared to the ones I have experienced over the last year or so now. As I feel oddly out of place I also believe there is a place for me...somewhere [even if some of that hope fades at times].

And with all things in life I feel it is important to find a place of comfort in which u are allowed to simply be yourself [after all, what comfort is there in being someone else?].