25 [reworked] things

There are innumerable stupid things that I believe or believe in, probably for no good reason. Often I find I have no explanation for these beliefs or that any explanation I may offer sounds ridiculous, nonsensical, or lacks any persuasiveness. Yet these "beliefs" [or simply statements] kinda define who I am as a person. Below is a list of 25 of these beliefs and statements, as well as just some random facts about me.*

1. If a girl can't dance, it's a deal breaker.
2. Prince vs. Michael Jackson - if you say Prince, I will forever hold it against you.
3. I take personal offense to a guy cutting his hamburger in half.
   
4. Altho I love dancing [which most ppl already know], I would rather DJ on most occasions.
5. I strongly and diametrically oppose a college football playoff.
6. I collect artwork from my friends [if u're an artist of any sort, please hook me up].
7. My shopping addictions: shoes and watches.
8. I'm ambidextrous.
   
9. I get really into Christmas.
   
10. As a child I refused to eat fruits and vegetables. While I do eat some now, I wish I really liked them.
11. This clip brings endless joy to my life.
    
12. I own a collection of awesomely bad dance movies.
    
13. I thoroughly enjoy intentionally misspelling things; there are good reasons to not do things as some might say they should be done.
    
14. fotography is my first passion, over music and dancing.
    
15. One year, when I was a kid, I got hit by a moped in Greece. It made my arm hurt.
16. Its' the people in life [esp. family and close friends] that make it what it is and that's why they're so important.
    
17. I find nothing wrong with eating McDonald's.
18. I've been known as "the Bootleg Queen."
19. I tend to dance on BART platforms.
20. I think I watch TV and movies to simply escape from my own thoughts and just be.
    
21. I really enjoy going to grocery stores late at nite.
22. I often have private dance parties in my apartment.
23. I love driving and will happily be the guy to drive my friends around when we all go out.
24. Bacon is the greatest food ever.
25. There's no such thing as too far, at least not with the right people. And those are my favorite people.
    

* I can't lie, this list was originally inspired by that rampant "25 Things" note that spread like wildfire around the facebook.

Friends

Many of my closest friends are those I made in high school. I was fortunate enough to meet a great group of individuals during those formative years and I believe our shared experience played an important role in forging a lifelong bond among us. In many ways you can see similarities between all of us...yet at the same time we are all our own individuals, unique in our own ways and with varied and different tastes [altho we also share much in common]. As a group it's sometimes hard to see the variations, at least as well all spend time together...be it drinking, dancing, pontificating about random things in life, or in whatever activity we choose to engage in.

Yet I think our differences become apparent as you see the groups of individuals we've grown close to and call friends outside of our close knit high school group. As I perused Facebook a while back I came across some pictures of one of my friends spending time with old college friends. It made me think for a moment about the friends of my close friends that I have met and interacted with over the years.

What makes each of us individuals, unique and all our own among this close group, is expressed [I think] in those individuals who are our other friends. Not to say we don't express ourselves even when we all hang out...but I think you can see the individual in all of us and how different we all are by those we associate with outside of one another [I don't mean to make our group of friends sound elitist or anything along those lines].

I guess the reason this is of any interest to me is that I strongly believe that, in many ways, you are who you associate with in life. [I'm sure I've expressed this sentiment before in this space.] And so it's funny to think about my friends and the different groups of friends they each have...and then to think about all of us being as close as we are.

a weekend later

whoooooops...so this one managed to slip by until it was, well, the next weekend. a good long holiday weekend up in the Bay, altho i missed out on meatfest '09 due to yet another southwest airlines delayed flight...ughhh. aside from that, it was an overall good time with some especially good, meaningful, and important conversations had over the days. on to the highlights...

• avoiding the major delay, sorta
• Oakland
• eye contact
• dancing on BART platforms for the first time in a long time
  
• BART weirdness
• muni'ing all around town
  
• Nick letting me in
  
• more King of Thai
• being the mysterious guy drinking at the bar by himself
• the dj dropping "I Want You Back" & "Axel F"
  
• old cubans
  
• one of the homies rolling out
• the "I don't have time to make your drink" bartender
• law school homies
• sudoku while sitting in the bus stop at like 2:30 am
• Ed's early arrival
• friday feeling like sunday
  
• the Pork Store Cafe and sitting with strangers
• the stranger's French Toast
  
• all the old school sweet rides
• the idea of rolling in an 80s Ferrari Testarossa while listening to 80s music and dressed in 80s clothes
• parking next to a Nissan GTR
• getting some keys [hopefully symbolic]
  
• a stupid amount of sushi
• Ed rolling out b4 heading to Mexico
• the Marina, Circa, soup
• the dj at Circa
  
• getting bought a round of shots by a girl
  
• of course heading to Gravity
  
• free round of beers since the guy [temporarily] lost Deefs' card
  
• owning the stage at Gravity...simply because no one else was
  
• a last round at not Gravity and another free shot
  
• chocolate-glazed donuts & getting used for donut holes
• leftover sushi
• BART'ing out to Richmond
• meeting some new ppl
• the great food at Al & Hank's
• a great talk with Hank
  
• winning my only game of beer pong/beirut
• getting in some dancing
• the crazy lady who stopped us from getting to the roof
• grabbing dim sum to go solo-style
• nap time
• Popeye's & the pigeon
• another good talk
  
• being the option that doesn't suck
• the extra day
  
• the support for what some may think is a stupid idea

a longer lists of highlights than i was anticipating, a sign of a good weekend. as with every other weekend up in the Bay, i'm sure there are things that have been omitted...impossible to remember it all i guess. the weekend provided some topics i'd like to explore but i'm a bit too lazy right now. and i'm craving dessert in some form [like those chocolate-glazed donuts].

but, i leave you all with this:

why don't girls approach guys more often?

Michael Jackson

Many words have already been written since the world found out about the tragic passing of Michael Jackson. Yesterday was simply one of the saddest days in music. Learning that Michael Jackson had suffered a cardiac arrest and was being hospitalized brought my day to a pause, followed by frantic checking of various news outlets for more information. The news of his death was at first met with disbelief and followed by a sense of shock. In some ways it is yet to sink in.

In talking with close friends about his passing, I find the only way to take comfort in anything is by appreciating the gifts of his music and dance moves. For many, it is or was his music that made him so special. This holds true for me as well, but his amazing dance moves were equally important. Seeing his dance moves growing up in the 80s, I couldn't help but want to dance. Although never coming close to emulating his talents, his dance moves and the rhythmic beats of his amazing music simply inspired movement in me.

It was clear from an early age that Michael Jackson was a special and talented individual. With time he grew to become the King of Pop; a star like never before. With his music, dance moves, and music videos he shaped a generation. His musical impact was felt in all parts of society and across generations; his music opened doors for many others to follow. He managed to bridge gaps between cultures and in so doing he brought many people together. Simply put, he broke down barriers. And beyond the impact his music had, he strove to make the world a better place.

It's nice to see how much love this world has for Michael Jackson, especially after all of the ridicule he received in recent years for his eccentric behavior. It is undeniable that his career and life took an unfortunate turn, yet it is equally undeniable that few, if any, have ever faced the pressures he did. Growing up a childhood star as he did, in many ways he was never given the opportunity to really be a child, a kid. From a very early age he was a star and in the limelight; he was the star in a groups of stars. Undoubtedly, these early experiences (or maybe more so the lack of some of the normal childhood experiences) shaped him in ways difficult to understand or explain. Without any semblance of a true childhood, Michael Jackson "grew up" and managed to become the biggest pop star that ever lived (further removing any slim chance of normalcy in his life). But in time, his star would fall almost as far as it had risen. Faced with accusations and rumors of all sorts, Michael Jackson eventually withdrew from public view...and the times he did resurface he was often met with a less than friendly response. In recent memory, his amazing contribution to the entertainment world (and really the world more generally) had been overshadowed by the controversies he became embroiled in.

I wholeheartedly believe that some of his eccentricities were simply a necessary part of him being the amazing, talented musician, entertainer, and performer that he was. Some of course were side effects of his less than normal upbringing. And yes, there were things that simply didn't make sense or felt wrong. At the end of it all, Michael Jackson was an amazing individual who will forever be remembered for the music he left us. It's a gift many of us will continue to cherish.

Thank you, Michael Jackson, for all you gave us. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends, and fans. My hope and belief is that Michael is now in a place where he is free of the many burdens that followed him in recent years.

once again, a bit terrified.

title sums it up. i am feeling terrified yet again as i hang out in my apartment and ponder things. after a good talk with one of the people i am close to in my life whose opinions i value highly i feel a bit surer of my life plan for the foreseeable future...but as i feel a little more settled on a decision i find myself that much more terrified and this emotion makes me question the decision. i think it's natural...but nothing changes the fact that i'm pretty much terrified right now. ahhhhhhhh!!!

what to do

i fin myself asking a lot of questions about life lately. it's actually more asking the same questions over and over again, sometimes in different ways. but it all boils down to the following: what to do? what to do about the circumstances in life that i'm unhappy with?

i get conflicting opinions from the various people in my life...their different views are entirely expected and make sense. some say to take what sounds to be the safe road. others say now is the time to take a different, riskier step. i find myself leaning in between, hoping to find a happy medium between the conservative, responsible approach and a more freeing, riskier, less known path.

it's terrifying trying to sort it out and figure out what to do. i find myself too consumed with worry about what to do that i find myself paralyzed by the uncertainty. coupled with the unhappiness brought on by the present circumstances that i'm trying to do something about [and obviously trying to figure out what to do about], i simply want to sleep, to shutdown, to hibernate or become a hermit and in that way simply run away from it all.

doing something about everything is scary. doing something about everything is hard. and it's easier to do nothing except that it accomplishes the opposite of helping. i'm at one of those points in life where it feels like screaming might help. but it won't really...instead things just wear on me and begin to have a negative effect on me.

yet here i am...thinking, not acting as much as i probably should...kinda just continuing to freak out and wonder. hopefully writing this and realizing all of this helps motivate me...maybe i don't need motivation to do some of the things i could because that's simply not the path for me in the end. time will tell. and while i'd say i grow impatient, it's not so much that but rather that i'm tired.

flailing

in an internal regard, it's been a difficult few weeks. a lot of questioning and attempts at figuring some things out...but without many answers or much progress. the confusion and uncertainty is draining, tiring...and the discontent with other aspects of life [which simply spurs the confusion] at times feels insurmountable. it leaves me feeling as tho i'm flailing about...trying to grasp hold of anything with which to pull myself up and onto stable ground.

but this just all makes it sounds worse than it is. yet in a way it really is all that there is...

someone confirmed some of my personal suspicions today. difficult to hear, of course...but at the same time ...well, there is no "at the same time." as much as i need a change, that very need of a certain change has led to a different kind of change...not one that is beneficial. the only thing i can say is that i'm as tired of it as the next guy.

the feeling of being a malcontent is unbecoming and simply unenjoyable. what to do about it is daunting at times but i guess it's best to just reflect and notice the many great tendencies of those around me. they tend to set a good example, one i sometimes lag behind. i guess this solves some of the riddles facing me. and hopefully i can get back to not allowing the others adversely affect the person i'm looking to become in life.