the disappointment

it wasn't supposed to be like this; it was supposed to go this way. i thought it was better than this. i never imagined this happening; i've never felt this awful feeling before, never felt such disappointment and just plain bewilderment as well as frustration.

ok, it's only college football, some would say. but Michigan getting off to the worst start i've ever seen in my life is honestly heartbreaking. not only that, but losing to a team no one thinks they should have lost to and also losing in the way they did today just hurts. i spend some of my time furious but it's pointless.

maybe a lot of people won't understand any of this and just think i'm a silly fool [which, to be honest, i am]. but growing up in Ann Arbor was an amazing experience [for many reasons aside from the culture of Michigan football] and it ingrained a fierce passion for Michigan football in me, even tho i'm a Bruin. seeing the Maize and Blue, the uniforms, the Big House...knowing fall is coming and with it the beginning of a new football season...these things honestly move my spirit on a certain level. so, to get off to an 0-2 start [losing to the teams they did and in the fashion it went down today] just kills that part of me.

there are just some things in life that really matter to me. often something serious, something anyone would consider important [my family, my friends, the ppl i care about, and so on]. but then there are things like Michigan football, Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeetriot Pistons basketball, awesomely bad breakdancing movies from the 80s, and ridiculous but fierce allegiances and loyalties to other such 'trivialities']. part of me wants to just say: "I get it, it's just football" but then i want to punch myself for even thinking it. haha.

more importantly, i think life is about having things that matter to you. honestly, i can't imagine life without passions [mine including things like music, private dance parties at home, photography, and of course being goofy]. they help define us as people and they also provide outlets for expression or just plain old escapes from reality. i've met a few people in my life who didn't seem to be very passionate about anything and in the end they just kinda seemed to exist; they were just there in a way. it's hard to explain...and i'm not too great with words, haha. but knowing and meeting people who are passionate about things is refreshing and also inspiring.

anyway, Michigan lost again and it blows hard. but i still got love for my team and will rep them always. bring on the hate [which, sadly, there was a lot of after last week's loss - it's amazing when people actually take joy in another program losing...when they're not even affiliated with the school that won the game...but there's always haters]. i'll be on the floor in front of my couch again next Saturday for the next game...