as for the last post...i own a lot of music. some people own more, others own less. i've been trying to compile a mixtape of sorts. in brief it's just a lasting favorites of sorts. it's a difficult task for someone like me because i loves me way too much music. but it's a fun experience to take some time to musically self-reflect. anyway...that's where the previous post came from...on to more serious matters...
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i grow frustrated with myself, for some things silly and other things somewhat more serious...let me get away from my point to hopefully get back to it [altho being the tangential person i am it may not work as planned]
i watched the VMAs the other nite. personally i enjoyed them. yes, britney sucked and just didn't even do what u could call a performance. but other aspects of the show were a lot of fun. seeing the artist performing these collabos together and just hanging out, basically partying together was a unique experience. in the end, it woulda been more fun to be there and just hang with everyone...but it was something different and something new.
so, i was talking with Peter today [someone who knows me as well as anyone in this world and prolly has a certain faith in me most others don't] and he said how he realized he should have been a DJ, that we both should have. this is definitely true. i started telling him about the VMAs and my thought and how i felt like that's kinda where i'm supposed to be. to get to the point of this paragraph, i wrapped things up by saying i'm gonna be heaven's DJ. i doubt i'll end up making music in this life...but one can hope for big things.
that's what i've been feeling lately. an urge to follow the dreams i had going into law school, throughout law school, and in the end every day of my life. i already wrote a bit about this but seeing the performances the other nite just set the tone even more for myself. i know where i'm at right now is just a step, it'd be a step no matter what i want to do. i'm just a little eager i guess, really wanting to do some of the things i think about, read about, hear about.
it's funny because i already talked to a couple of really good friends about this a while back, but they were (or are still in) the same position i am now, while i was jobless. i remember telling them that, while what they're doing now isn't where they want to be, it's an awesome step towards getting there...the same is true for me. it's just a matter of getting the best out of everything and using each opportunity to the fullest.
from another conversation today, u never know where life is going to take u [which also means that the steps we're all taking right now might be steps in a direction we didn't realize]. if u asked me a year ago where i would be right now, pretty much everything i would have said would turn out wrong. and if u told me the life circumstances of right now, my response would have been: crap, that sucks. but the funny thing is i'm really happy with life right now.
i'm happy with where i'm at, with where i'm heading, with the possibilities and opportunities that exist. in part we adjust to our circumstances. but we also mold those circumstances to who we are...or at the least we are capable of doing so. we can all own our lives, our situations...and i feel like i'm getting back to that quite a bit; i'm seriously happy about it.
it's good to feel more like myself and also just take more and more control of my life. i guess the good thing about the frustration i've recently is that it pushes me to figure myself out more: what i want out of life, the person i want to be in life...
anyway, i'm listening to the new kanYe right now. picked it up tonite after work and am having a personal listening party at home. hehe. i'm feeling it and the artwork of the album is just flat out amazing. bonus: the album came with a poster, which shall go up in the apartment somewhere soon. =] i could write more but i'm distracted by music and chatting...more later, including the topic of feeling epic.
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