d'argh...i forgot what i wanted to write about...

one thing: i just got a $15 off card for my birfday from banana republic. awesome, yes [altho i just bought a couple shirts there last nite and saving the extra cash woulda been nice...but i'm sure to buy more stuff from there anyway]
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i think the feature i miss the most from xanga is the private posting [along with the faces...i love the faces]. u can also posted in what they call a "protected" fashion, allowing u to choose who can read what's posted. lately i try to write in my journal [by hand] on a more regular basis. it reminded me of private posting on xanga, which i did a few times along with a good number of protected posts. in the end, i'll never shut down the old blogs and so they'll always be there. i never want to attempt to take away the past...from myself or anyone else [there's something to that last part but i'm sure it will go unnoticed or not understood].

anyway, the point i meant to get at was this: in writing in my journal, i spent some time looking back at previous writings. i think it's natural, but most of the writing came from a prior difficult time in my life: a breakup i think i wrote about on this blog, when i first started living on my own. it was a very difficult time in my life and one in which, especially looking back at what i wrote, i know i grew and learned a lot.

one thing i wrote about repeatedly was how, even after most of the breakup difficulties passed and i was just really facing the challenge of living alone, i didn't feel like myself in some ways. i wrote about getting back to me, even tho i knew i didn't know all of me there was to know at the time. in other words, i felt a need to get back to me even tho some of what i was "getting back to" was new and undiscovered.

it reminds me of a James Morrison lyric from the song Undiscovered. I'm not going to put the entire song up [in part because i feel i'm taking something a bit out of context]. the line goes: "I'm not lost; not lost, just undiscovered"

another great song and it's kinda how i feel again: not quite myself in all the ways i should be but also knowing that some of the me i'm getting back to is someone i'm yet to meet. i believe that, due to experiences in my life, i know myself pretty well. but at the same time i know growth will come and i always strive to improve [not that i'm down on myself...just a constant effort, not struggle, to better myself and find a new standard].

these are my thoughts for tonite. i feel they're pretty personal and so i don't feel as much of an urge to pull out my journal. but the journal will come around with me this weekend as i adventure and i hope to find the time to write in it...
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hope everyone has a good weekend!